


A very chatty Naruto chatfic

by TaurusDoodles



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Uchiha Sasuke, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, M/M, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2020-10-30 03:17:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20807645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaurusDoodles/pseuds/TaurusDoodles
Summary: After Naruto ruins the last chat server Shiba deletes and starts a new, taking away Naruto's mod rights. With this new server they hope it wont be as cursed as before.*Modern/highschool setting because they have phones lmao





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Basically this is to unwind and have fun writing something without a serious plot line. Usernames will be posted in every begining note as a reminder.
> 
> Naruto- Narutomaki  
Sasuke- Sea urchin  
Sakura- Bihexual  
Rock Lee- Leg power  
Neji- Big bird  
Tenten- Ninenine  
Gaara- Gaara  
Kankuro- Puppetmaster  
Temari- My fan is bigger than yours  
Kiba- Furry in a hurry  
Hinata- Little bird  
Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff  
Shino- Growing up Creepie  
Choji- Munchlax  
Ino- Flower child

** _Furry in a hurry invited Narutomaki, Bihexal, Sasuke, and eight others to Furries Unite_ **

Sasuke: I’m not a furry

Narutomaki: I am

Big bird: Contrary to my username I am also not a furry

Narutomaki: That just means youre a feathery

Furry in a hurry: Correction; He's an avian

Big bird: I am neither of those things

Big bird: Hinata didnt want me to have the name “big bird on campus” is all

Little bird: I only say that because you’ve started calling yourself that at home. I’m sorry, you can change it to the name you want.

Big bird: No its fine. Tenten has a strange fear of that bird with the same name from sesame street

Big bird: Its fun watching her try her best to intimidate me

Ninenine: You are a horrible boyfriend I want a divorse

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: *divorce

Munchlax: **diVORE

Ninenine: How dare BOTH of you

Narutomaki: Vore is just the fetishized version of cannibalism

Bihexual: Thanks I hate this

Sasuke: Naruto.

Narutomaki: Yes Sasuke?

Sasuke: Come downstairs. I’d like to fucking punch you.

Narutomaki: If you punch me again expect a lobster in your pillowcase tonight

Bihexual: @Sasuke change your name its so boring :(

Sasuke: Naruto come change my name to something that everyone would find funny

Ninenine: Yeah Sasuke is too emotionally constipated to make a joke of any kind

Sasuke: Your words are true and so I have zero arguments

Furry in a hurry: Sasuke is fucking emo

Sea urchin: Again. That's true.

Sea urchin: SEA URCHIN!? REALLY!?

Narutomaki: You said something funny

Leg power: I just finished my morning jog! Good morning everyone!

Munchlax: Vore is fetishized cannibalism

Leg power: Bye everyone!

Bihexual: Lee no! We tolerate you! Come back!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Barely 20 mins into the server’s creation and vore and furries are already the main focus. That's a new record considering how cursed the old server was.

Bihexual: What happened to the old server anyway? It just… disappeared over night like what??

Furry in a hurry: Shino deleted it when Naruto sent bugs life shipping art in the chat at like 2 in the morning.

Narutomaki: I ruin everyting I touch

Furry in a hurry: Yes. Yes you do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leg power: I’m gay

Bihexual: We know Lee and we love you for that.

Narutomaki: BE GAY DO CRIMES

Lee power: I miss my boyfriend :(

Flower child: Dont you live like three houses down from him?

Leg power: Yes but you know he goes to the private school across town.

Ninenine: @Furry in a hurry @Growing up Creepie add Lee’s boyfriend hes moping in class again

Growing up creepie: If I add the sand freak Kiba will add the other two and quite frankly I’m not ready to have more than one freak, Naruto, in this server. Kankuro already dms me weird rick and morty fanfiction.

** _Furry in a hurry added Gaara, My fan is bigger than yours, and Puppetmaster to Furries Unite_ **

Growing up Creepie: I will send my ant army over to your house to devour your flesh and your cursed 6th grade fursona.

Furry in a hurry: Try me bitch

Narutomaki: No not Mochi the Huskie! D:

Growing up Creepie: YES MOCHIE THE HUSKIE

Leg power: @Gaara I am gay and in distress, everything is miserable

Bihexual: Looks like hes not online Lee

Leg power: But I thrive on attention

Narutomaki: Same

Leg power: I am an attention whore

Narutomaki: Again. Same.

Puppetmaster: What the absolute fuck?

Flower child: And the first sand freak arrives

Puppetmaster: Excuse you but I am the puppet freak

My fan is bigger than yours: Its true. I once caught him practice kissing one of his puppets when he was 13.

Puppetmaster: I ONCE CAUGHT TEMARI DANCING TO A HATSUNE MIKU SONG AND THAT HAPPENED LIKE A MONTH AGO

My fan is bigger than yours: Guilty as charged motherfucker

Puppetmaster: Goddamn you and your perfect self acceptance

My fan is bigger than yours: Also why is ther server name “furries unite”?

Narutomaki: Because furries will soon rise up againt humanity and insert our beautiful fursonas into reality and have an awesome ass rave with a buffet of ramen

Furry in a hurry: Dammit Naruto now the FBI agent monitoring your phone knows

Narutomaki: I FUCKED UP AGAIN DAMMIT

Bihexual: NARUTO NARUTO NARUTO GET OFF YOUR PHONE KAKASHI IS STARING AT YOU HE KNOWS GET OFF IR HE’LL READ YOUR TEXTS

Narutomaki: VORE IS FETISHIZED CANNIBALISM

Sea urchin: I cant believe Kakashi just had to read that outloud to the class….

My fan is bigger than yours: I-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flower child: Flowers can have sex and that is honestly one of the most weirdest things to come out of Yamato sensei’s mouth

Sea urchin: Isnt Yamato teaching your class marine biology right now? Sexy plant science is like the last lesson he does.

Flower child: Do you really think ocean stuff would stop this man from talking about plants?

Sea urchin: Point taken

Bihexual: Hey Ino meet me at the staircase when the lunch bell rings! I scored some money from mom and I’ve got enough for some candy from the vending machines!

Flower child: That moment when your girlfriend feeds you--

Sea urchin: Ew  _ they’re expressing their love _

Narutomaki: You're just sad your biggest middle school fangirls realized they were gay for each other and stopped gong after you

Sea urchin: I'm the ace attorney at my goddamn law firm, I dont need nobody to fawn over me

Gaara: But your not an attorney at all. Your a highschool student.

Sea urchin: See? This is why I dont make jokes.

Narutomaki: He means hes an indepentdant asexual

Sea urchin: Fuck the system I dont need love but my own

Narutomaki: Fuck yeah you funky little asexual!

Sea urchin: Dont call me funky or little

Narutomaki: What about weird and medium sized?

Sea urchin: Make it weird and ginormous and you've got yourself a deal

Gaara: By the way why am I here?

Narutomaki: This is where we plan murders.

Sea urchin: You're next.

Gaara: Finally

Narutomaki: @Leg power wanted you here so his attention seeking appetite could be appeased

Leg power: I have been @’ed by Naruto and I am scared

Leg power: Oh thank god it’s not more bug porn

Gaara: What?

Leg Power: Oh!!!! GAara!!!!

Narutomaki: Just for that I’m dming some

Ninenine: THEY HAVE GRAPES IN THE FIRST LUNCH LINE MOVE YOUR ASSES MAMA WANTS SOME GRAPES

Little bird: Please leave me some

Ninenine: NO

Little bird: Okay..

Furry in a hurry: I’ll save you some

Little bird: Oh thank you Kiba!

Big bird: That better not be any flirting you mutt

Furry in a hurry: Dude I’m gay

My fan is bigger than yours: Hello Gay, I’m Temari

Gaara: Why

My fan is bigger than yours: Because our dad isn’t present enough to make these jokes :’)

Puppetmaster: How dare you

Puppetmaster: Its true but how dare you

Puppetmaster: Also its lunch there already??

Puppetmaster: Yall eat fucking early

Growing up Creepie: It’s the first lunch period of the day. I have second lunch at 12 with Neji and Choji, but sometimes Lee sneaks to second lunch after his weekly nurse visits

My fan is bigger than yours: Weekly nurse visits???

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Lee is clumsy as fuck during pe

Narutomaki: And during practice

Leg power: I feel attacked :(

Narutomaki: He chipped his tooth running 2 laps

Leg powers: I am going to go cry now bye

Gaara: Crying is against the law stop

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Oh god Lee is crying for real I need to drag him under the bleachers before his dad sees and starts havin a panic attack

Narutomaki: TELL GAI SENSEI HI FOR ME

Sea urchin: You have him next period and after school for track

Narutomaki: Fuck you

Sea urchin: Ew no

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Leg power: So I am sneaking out of Gaara’s house right?

Flower child: Excuse me but you are what?

Leg power: I saw Kakashi climbing down from my father’s room

Flower child: Excuse me buT WHAT!?

Flower child: DONT LEAVE ME HANGING HERE LEE

Flower child: LEE

Munchlax: Hes offline no w dood

Munchlax: I’d see whats going on but thatd feel dirty

Munchlax: Also I’m in bed and I feel way too comfortable to get up

Flower child: @Leg power DETAILS YOU SLUT


	2. 80% homo bro <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I didn't expect anyone to actually like this! Thanks for the comments and kudos, they really made my day! ^^
> 
> Naruto- Narutomaki  
Sasuke- Sea urchin  
Sakura- Bihexual  
Rock Lee- Leg power  
Neji- Big bird  
Tenten- Ninenine  
Gaara- Gaara  
Kankuro- Puppetmaster  
Temari- My fan is bigger than yours  
Kiba- Furry in a hurry  
Hinata- Little bird  
Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff  
Shino- Growing up Creepie  
Choji- Munchlax  
Ino- Flower child

Narutomaki: Okay so two things happened this morning

Bihexual: Share you adhd ridden maniac

Narutomaki: So that old man next door came outside in his robes again. He bent down to get his newspaper and what I saw was some neon green frog shorts. Like usual tho he has his Kermit slippers, but the frog shorts are one of the most perfect things ever seen theyre fucking ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as him wearing the robe backwards but still.

Narutomaki: And second , I overheard Iruka,, and I guess Kakashi idk, talking on the phone about some kind of school dance this fall. Details are unclear but it was totally about a school dance and the only thought I had running through my head was “oh fuck oh god either Shino or Tenten are going to spike te punch”

Ninenine: Okay but where is the lie tho?? I’d totally spike the punch

Growing up Creepie: Excuse you but how did you know I liked to pour random liquids into other liquids?

Ninenine: What kind of liquids? I'm scared.

Growing up Creepie: Well I usually blend up cookies and milk and put them into Kiba’s coffee when he isnt looking

Furry in a hurry: Wait I’ve waisted really good starbucks before I could even drink them because i thought they were spoiled! I cursed out the manager over this! wtf dude!?

Narutomaki: Not gonna lie sometimes I put grass in your lunch when you are looking

Furry in a hurry: Wait… When I AM looking????

Narutomaki: You really are a day dreamer you know that?

Leg power: KAKASHI IS SLEEPING WITH MY DAD

Leg power: Well????? I think so???????

Ninenine: Oh

Ninenine: OH

Narutomaki: Called it

Bihexual: Huh I wouldve guessed Kakashi was with Iruka…

Furry in a hurry: Oh shit okay didnt expect this

Growing up Creepie: Did you know Kakashi reads porn outside of school? I caught him at the library checking out adult books. I thought he was just a nasty old man incapable of love.

Narutomaki: Keep your teacher stalking to yourself you fucking psychopath

Growing up Creepie: Haha yeah I probably am a psychopath....

Munchlax: @Leg power dont look now but hes in your backyard smooching your dad. Mwah mwah. Kissy kissy -3-

Leg power: WHAT

Munchlax: Jk its just your dad taking the trash out lmao

Flower child: @Leg power why are you so upset about this?

Leg power: I’m not upset, just a little sad he doesnt trust me to tell me this….

Leg power: I may not be his biological son but I am his son nonetheless. Right?

Bihexual: If he disowns you I’ll adopt you. I will be your new father. Come here sport, I offer a fatherly hug.

Leg power: I used to have a hardcore crush on you. I’d rather not. Sorry.

Bihexual: I keep forgetting your apart of the bi revolution

Growing up Creepie: I have over 100 ant children in my art farm. Having a human child would’nt hurt no one. I’ll adopt you.

Leg power: Shino you scare me

Leg power: No offense.

Growing up Creepie: Offense taken you asshole

Narutomaki: OLD MAN IS OUT HERE AGAIN BUT HES GOT AN AQUARIUM WTH A FUCKING TOAD IN IT IM SO CONFUSED

Sea urchin: Fuckingtoadsage.jpg

Sea urchin: Can confirm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Munchlax: If you had the choice between saving your best friend's life and a lifetime supply of your fav potato chips, what would you choose?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: You already know my choice Choji….

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I'd choose the chips and toss them at your rotting corpse <3

Munchlax: Woah bro I love you so much only 20% homo dude

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: You know it man. 80% homo bro (･∀･)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little bird: Report cards go home tonight right?

Flower child: Yeah why?

Little bird: Fuck

Narutomaki: Oh shit she sinned she must've got a bad grade--

Little bird: If father sees my low grade in math he'll ground me til the end of time!

Big bird: She isn't kidding. Uncle expects the best out of us all. Even though he has already stated that the estate and business will be going to Hanabi upon his death, Hinata is expected to excel due to being his oldest.

Flower child: I keep forgetting you guys are cousins and not brother and sister. Why is it you call each other siblings anyway?

Little bird: We got tired of explaining why we live together and what happened to his dad so we just... Call each other siblings.

Big bird: That and Hanabi was calling me big brother the moment she could talk.

Narutomaki: I wish I had a sibling :(

Flower child: Isnt Sasuke considered your brother in some way? I always hear Iruka sensei call you two brothers.

Narutomaki: Ew no I'd rather call Shino my brother than Sasuke

Sea urchin: >:|

Narutomaki: >:)

Growing up Creepie: Well I guess Naruto is my brother now. Come to my place after school and I'll initiate you into the family....

Narutomaki:  _ Initiate????? _

Growing up Creepie: Making gummy bugs with a kids toy

Narutimaki: Oh thank fuck...

Growing up Creepie: And doing buggie taxidermy 8)

Narutomaki: WTF

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ninenine: We should investigate

Munchlax: Investigate what?

Ninenine: @Leg power Gai sensei and Kakashi sensei

Munchlax: My skills of playing ispy and where's waldo finally come in handy....

Leg day: I feel as though that is too evasive....

Munchlax: True but I'm bored and I wanna know shit

Ninenine: Same here

Ninenine: @everyone we're gonna stalk the lit and pe teachers after school wanna join?

Bihexual: That sounds illegal.....

Bihexual: I'm in!!!!!!!

Narutomaki: I second that

Gaara: I have no idea who Kakashi is but sure

Furry in a hurry: I'll do it. I walk Kakashi's dogs this afternoon too so I'll know if Gai goes over while I'm gone.

Narutomaki: Oh yeah there's no track today

Leg power: Hm.... I don't know...

Puppetmaster: They fuckin'

Leg power: Kankuro! Gaara please control your brother! I am sure Temari is still at her lunch period so she cannot control him.

Gaara: I am not held reliable for whatever my brother says or does.

Puppetmaster: Haha fuck yeah I'm a disaster

Gaara: Pretty much yeah

Leg power: What if i just...

Leg power: Ask them?

Ninenine: Boooooringgggggggg

Leg power: Hm... Well...

Ninenine: I promise I wont overstep!

Narutomaki: I probably will overstep.

Flower child: At least he's honest

Leg power: Fine but only because I am dying to know.

Ninenine: Awesome! Instead of afterschool we could do this over the weekend.

Ninenine: I might've just realized i promised to help Hinata and Neji babysit tonight and tomorrow >>

Munchlax: You are an absolute disaster

Little bird: You always forget but that's okay we love you

Ninenine: I don't need your love to feel better about myself!!!!!!!

Ninenine: @Big bird COME TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND THAT IM FUCKING PRETTY I FEEL LIKE A WHORE RIGHT NOW

Big bird: You are a beautiful whore Tenten

Ninenine: Aw fuck ye I am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Furry in a hurry: WHO CHANGED THE SERVER NAME FROM FURRIES UNITE TO DEPRESSED AND TIRED

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Haha guess who got mod rights fucker

Growing up Creepie: 8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently on p1(about season 5 when Sasuke goes fucking nutso crazo; also I'm rewatching so I can finally watch Shippuden) but are there any characters I should add? I already wrote about three 3 ch ahead currently so they would be added in later in.
> 
> Thanks for reading ^^


	3. Ikea furniture is best sent at 3 AM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki  
Sasuke- Sea urchin  
Sakura- Bihexual  
Rock Lee- Leg power  
Neji- Big bird  
Tenten- Ninenine  
Gaara- Gaara  
Kankuro- Puppetmaster  
Temari- My fan is bigger than yours  
Kiba- Furry in a hurry  
Hinata- Little bird  
Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff  
Shino- Growing up Creepie  
Choji- Munchlax  
Ino- Flower child

My fan is bigger than yours: I'm a nosy bitch, what's @everyone up to?

Sea urchin: Currently stuffing Iruka's clothes in a trash bag while he's in the shower. Konohamaru is helping

My fan is bigger than yours: Okay but why?

Sea urchin: Do I need to have a reason to be an asshole?

My fan is bigger than yours: Point taken

Narutomaki: Iruka grounded him for stealing another lobster again

My fan is bigger than yours:  _ Again????? _

Sea urchin: You've never stolen lobsters before?

My fan is bigger than yours: No?????????

Sea urchin: Coward

Ninenine: I've stolen a parrot from the pet store

Leg power: I helped on accident

Big bird: I might've kept the bird

Little bird: His name is Willow

Growing up Creepie: I'm stalking Asuma again

Flower child: Stop it that's creepy and weird

Growing up Creepie: I don't tell you how to live your life

Flower child: Sakura and I are heading to our date at Ichiruka's!

Bihexual: We're gay and hungry fuck you all

Narutomaki: Sakura remember our deal

Bihexual: I know Naruto. I'll bring you an order along with the coupon he gives us.

Narutomaki: And I'll give you the next math test answers

Bihexual: Deal

Narutomaki: Deal

Leg power: Morning jog is finished!

Puppetmaster: Gotta look stronk for Gaara ;)

Leg power: Please stop

Gaara: Seeing muscle on you intimidates me

Leg power: But how babe?

Gaara: We are about the same age and yet I'm a short bean pole

Leg power: Yes well you are  _ my _ short bean pole :)

Narutomaki: HA  ** _gay_ ** !

Gaara: But we are gay.

Narutomaki: Lee how the fuck did you flirt with this guy????

Leg power: I have no idea…

Leg power: I don't even know how to flirt.

Leg power: I didn't know we were together until Gaara held my hand for the first time.

Growing up Creepie: Asuma likes pineapple on pizza. He's more of a psychopath than I am. He's a fucking monster.

My fan is bigger than yours: Why are you stalking your teachers????

Growing up Creepie: Well what else am I supposed to do in my spare time??? Study!?

Narutomaki: Yeah

Bihexual: Yeah

Leg power: Yes

Little bird: Study, read, commit mass genocide, go outside… Those are ideal spare time activities

Sea urchin:  ** _Commit mass genocide._ **

Growing up Creepie: I like the way you two think… I'll be back, gotta order something from the dark web.

Sea urchin: NO

Narutomaki: You know he actually does go on the dark web right? He once brought what he thinks was a murder weapon to school. Shino is fucking weird man.

Sea urchin: THE OLD MAN IS OUTSIDE AGAIN AND GUESS WHOS WITH HIM

Munchlax: I just got online but I wanna say…. Kurenai?

Sea urchin: PRINCIPAL TSUNADE

Narutomaki: Ah shit grandma Tsunade??????? Saskue come take over I wanna see this shit

Sea urchin: Is he still pushing on the door?

Narutomaki: He stopped. Probably dead.

Leg power: Uuuuh????

Narutomaki: The lock is busted on the bathroom door so we have to hold it closed

Munchlax: But why are you locking Iruka sensei in the bathroom?

Sea urchin: So I have time to toss his bag of clothes in the shed

Sea urchin: Think with your mind, not with your stomach Choji.

Munchlax: I ate my mind therefore I think with my stomach

Narutomaki: Grandmaisgettingsome.jpg

Leg power: They look like they are just talking

Narutomaki: I couldnt hear what they're saying, I was looking out a window and shit, but they're totally flirting

Sea urchin: Or not. She just hit him on the head and scolded him for something. I'm gonna send Konohamaru over to interrupt. Old man ain't gettin none tonight

Narutomaki: I like the way you think Sasuke…

Narutomaki: AH SHIT IRUKA GOT OUT ILL SEE YALL ON THE OTHER SIDE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Munchlax: Naruto is sending me ikea furniture again

Munchlax: Its 3 AM

Munchlax: Does he ever sleep?

Sea urchin: What's sleep?

Narutomaki: Never met her

Gaara: I have insomnia.

Little bird: For once crying myself to sleep hasn't worked. I even cried two more times.

Munchlax: Hinata no

Little bird: Let me suffer with my feelings in peace Choji

Gaara: I know a remedy to sleep better

Gaara: Suffocate your brother so he'll stop snoring

Narutomaki: Sasuke

Narutomaki: Watch your fucking back bitch

Sea urchin: Fuck you I don't snore

Narutomaki: Yeah you do

Sea urchin: But can this remedy work on a 29 year old man who has serious sinus issues but refuses to do anything about it?

Gaara: Suffocation works on anyone. Go ahead and suffocate whoever.

Little bird: But that's a bad thing to do :(

Munchlax: Not if no one finds out you did it

Little bird: Choji

Munchlax: Yes?

Little bird: You're a genius

Munchlax: No ones ever called me a tenuous before!!!!!:D

Munchlax: Wait crap I messed that up :( thanks autocorrect

MunchIax: I mean genius not whatever that word means

Little bird: It means "weak" or "thin"

Munchlax: Well that's a word that totally does not describe me at all

Sea urchin: Why does everyone suddenly become murderous at 3 am?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: My mom woke me up early

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I hate everyone and everything

Munchlax: I haven't slept at all

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I can tell from backreading

Sea urchin: Iruka is taking us to mcdonalds for breakfast and I'm scared

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Why? Doesnt he usually take you guys places for breakfast instead if cooking something?

Sea urchin: If by places you mean gas stations and the teacher staff room then sure

Munchlax: :0000 youve been in the teacher staff room????????? Luckyyyy

Munchlax: I heard they have a couch in there

Sea urchin: I mean they have a coffee maker and fridge too…

Sea urchin: But not the point

Sea urchin: Neither of us asked to go and so now we're scared

Narutomaki: I INTERRUPT THIS MESSAGE WITH A OLD MAN UPDATE

Narutomaki: He smiled at me while he got his newspaper so I guess that means the new tinted car windows  **are** see thru….

Narutomaki: I'm hiding in the car btw

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Why are you stalking an oldman?

Narutomaki: He used to barely ever come outside within the 3 years I've been here. Iruka says he's a writer and a bit of a shut in too.

Sea urchin: And a pervert

Narutomaki: Yeah that too

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Do you even know his name?

Narutomaki: No and I don't intend to ask

Sea urchin: Pervy Sage

Sea urchin: We'll call him Pervy Sage

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Well you know what that means….

Narutomaki: What?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I'm making a channel for Pervy Sage updates

Munchlax: Make a food porn channel while your at it

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: No one wants you to spam random Google images of food

Narutomaki: I do

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Except Naruto

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: But you can spam me with Google images of food if you want

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I let Naruto spam sea slug pics to me at random times

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: And honestly sea slugs are fucking rad

Growing up Creepie: Ducks have corkscrew dicks

Sea urchin: Thanks I hate it

Narutomaki: Look up frog dicks

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I will do just that on my dad's work computer brb

Narutomaki: Oh

Munchlax: Why is Shino the one to always bring up dicks in a conversation?

Growing up Creepie: Because I'm deranged

Growing up Creepie: There are men out there with two peepees

Leg power: Why do I always come online to Shino saying weird things?

Growing up Creepie: Your dad could have two dicks and you'd never know

Leg power: Shino please

Growing up Creepie: Tell you more? Alright—

Sea urchin: Make a "Shino says weird things" channel so we can keep this place less disturbing

Growing up Creepie: Already have one, I'm the only one able to access it though. I'll make it public.

Narutomaki: I'm so interested in seeing his one sided conversations….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Welcome to my sanctuary

Narutomaki: Oh dear fuck why is there so many pictures of peanut butter????

Growing up Creepie: Idk I spammed those at like 1 in the morning

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: This place is cursed thanks for inviting me here

Growing up Creepie: I try my best

Growing up Creepie: OpenPeanutButterJar.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Pervy-Sage-updates

Narutomaki: Okay another update; Pervy Sage knows my fucking name

Munchlax: Scary

Narutomaki: Ikr??

Munchlax: Kill him

Narutomaki:  _ Oh _ .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: "general" was such a boring name, enjoy the channel name change

Little bird: Oh :o

Flower child: What's up bitches I'm skipping school today

Little bird: :o

Bihexual: She means she has a dentist appointment lmao

Flower child: Hell yeah

Munchlax: Aw now who am I gonna pass notes to in health science? D:

Furry in a hurry: Me. I sit right behind you

Furry in a hurry: Also hi. Akamaru fell asleep on my leg and now its illegal for me to move.

Leg power: Dad is talking to Kakashi and he's smilinggggggggnsjjsbwksjdhndnd

Flower child: Lee oml are you okay????

Leg power: I think my dad is in love

Leg power: He's in love with the literature teacher

Bihexual: A literature teacher and pe teacher being together sounds like some kind of cliché romance flick or novel

Leg power:  _ That's what I'm freaking out about _

Leg power:  ** _It is two cliches in one_ **

Bihexual: Wdym?

Leg power: Well my dad and Kakashi have been close friends since they were children. Dad adopted me when I was 7 so I remember Kakashi being at the old apartment many many times to help him with me.

Leg power: Best friends become lovers and differing personalities becomes lovers— _ that is a two in one, Sakura!!!! _

Bihexual: Woah…

Puppetmaster: Like I said before: they fuckin'

Furry in a hurry: Kankuro only comes in when it pertains to Lee and his personal life

Puppetmaster: I have anxiety and its easy to pick on lee

Leg power: :(

Narutomaki: Oh btw we found out why Iruka is taking us to McDonalds

Narutimaki: He wanted coffee but he hates Starbucks. We gettin pancakes now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Bihexual: Oh a new channel :0

Furry in a hurry: Kakashi is sorta cool tho

Bihexual: Gay

Furry in a hurry: You're gay

Bihexual: Yes, well, your point is?

Furry in a hurry: I'm also gay

Flower child: Saku your like half gay tho

Munchlax: This is a call out post: who here is sexually attracted to cast iron pans specifically?

Narutomaki: What's up mother fucker did I here cast iron pans???? Ah gee I'd fuck em--

Puppetmaster: Hey whats up I'm married to a skillet— that's a type of pan right? 

Narutomaki: I have no idea man

Leg power: Bisexuals with rise up and take over the world some day. Pansexuals will be our bodyguards, asexuals our queens, kings, and in betweens.

Ninenine: I'm crying wtf Lee we don't deserve you

Leg power: Guess I will die then

Ninenine: Ah shit—

Sea urchin: I am an ace king and I will rule over you all

Ninenine: Preach it you beautiful slut!

Sea urchin: I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SLUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! ^^


	4. Ramen made me gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki  
Sasuke- Sea urchin  
Sakura- Bihexual  
Rock Lee- Leg power  
Neji- Big bird  
Tenten- Ninenine  
Gaara- Gaara  
Kankuro- Puppetmaster  
Temari- My fan is bigger than yours  
Kiba- Furry in a hurry  
Hinata- Little bird  
Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff  
Shino- Growing up Creepie  
Choji- Munchlax  
Ino- Flower child

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Toe nails are just hardened hair. Make sure to polish your toe hair kids

Leg power: Thank you for the disturbing advice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message: @Sea urchin)

Narutomaki: Do you ever think about stuff…

Narutomaki: Like what if your parents were still alive and your brother was found?

Narutomaki: And how happy you'd be?

Sea urchin: I used to think about it a lot I guess. Like right after it happened and stuff.

Sea urchin: You okay man?

Narutomaki: Yeah…. It's just one of the older police officers that sit out by the crosswalk said I really do look like my dad. I don't remember him too much, I mean I  _ was _ 3 when he died….

Narutomaki: I just wish that guy didn't freaking shoot him :/

Narutomaki: Cuz then I'd at least have my dad around. I know nothing could help mom tho, which yeah I'm fucking sad about, but…. Dad could've been helped super easily.

Sea urchin: You know what I do when I'm getting all sad and shit from thinking about sad shit?

Narutomaki: What?

Sea urchin: I take pictures of Iruka with the snap chat filters and post them to a secret instagram account

Narutomaki: Woah

Sea urchin: PukingrainbowIruka.gif

Narutomaki: This gives me an idea

Sea urchin: ?

Narutomaki: Hold up I'll @ everyone

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Depressed and tired; #Kakashi-sucks**

Narutomaki: @everyone let's all take snap chat pics of Kakashi with the filters on and just send it to coach Gai

Ninenine: Yes

Furry in a hurry: Bonus points if you get any pics of him without his hair in his eye or his face in his turtle neck, scarf, bandana, or medical mask— whatever the hell he's wearing today idfk haven't had his class yet

Narutomaki: Did you just make this a contest?

Furry in a hurry: We all know Ino and Lee would've made it one at some point

Narutomaki: True

Sea urchin: I got his class next period hell yes head start

Little bird: Same here! I'm gunna use the flower crown filter!!!! Its my favorite :3

Growing up Creepie: I don't use snap chat, people cyberbullied me on it last year 8(

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I was your cyberbully you know

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Well one of them. The others were dicks and I cyberbullied them too.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I was the one sending those Grimm's fairy tail passages tho

Growing up Creepie: I didn't even consider you a bully, just some troll who really liked Grimm's fairy tales

Gaara: Who is Kakashi????

Narutomaki: Kakashitheoldfart.jpg

Gaara: Oh I saw him at the supermarket some weeks ago okay

Flower child: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooo gonna fucking go the extra mile and take video with the filters lmao

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#RamenMadeMeGay

Munchlax: Okay who made this channel Naruto doesn't have admin rights anymore so???

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Not me

Growing up Creepie: I wouldve named it "RamenMadeMeDie"

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Don't lie Shino you would've made it Ramenthulu instead

Growing up Creepie: Yeah….

Furry in a hurry: I made it. Thought there should be a place like the old server for us to express our love and support to each other. Especially since this server has about a few more people added than the last one and its a bit more organized.

Narutomaki:  Gay

Furry in a hurry: @everyone type up your sexuality if your comfortable and I'll change role names, pronouns if you've never stated too. If you aren't just say a color and I'll change the role name to that.

Puppetmaster: Morosexual _ (also pan my dudes heheh moropansexual) _

Leg power: Bi bi bi

Bihexual: Read my name you fool

Big bird: Yellow, any pronouns

Narutomaki: I'm so pan that an old lady mixed me up as a cast iron and tried to buy me

Munchlax: Deep dish pan pizza

Little bird: Um straight but could I be put down as ally? Or LBGTQ protector? I love all you guys >u>

My fans are bigger than yours: I can be purchased at Best Bi for $0.50. Any pronouns are okay with me, I don't mind

Gaara: Gay and guilty for it

Sea urchin: Ace of clubs

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Green

Ninenine: Demi-pan

Flower child: Lesb… Leeeassabsan

Flower child: Losbeoan

Bihexual: Almost there you got it

Flower child: Lisbeon .^.

Bihexual: There we go ★♥

Buhexual: Such a funky little lisbeon

Growing up Creepie: Bicuriously trans, he/him >8)

Furry in a hurry: And I guess that leaves me

Furry in a hurry: /jumps down from counter/  **I'm gay—!**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Leg power: Dad says we have a few guests coming over after track practice o.o

Flower child: Who???

Leg power: I'm not sure

Leg power: Could be Kakashi?

Gaara: Can't be. Hinata keeps dming me videos of Kakashi— thank god I know who he is and whaf he looks like now— trying to walk all 8 of his dogs.

Little bird: Dogkashi.mov

Flower child: Awwww all his rescue puppies :3

Leg power: Hm then I wonder who could be coming over…..

Narutomaki: Surprise!!!!!!!! Its me, Sasuke, Konohamaru, and Iruka!!!!!!!!

Lee power: Really?

Narutomaki: Yeah, your dad didn't give you notice like last week?

Sea urchin: Iruka and Gai are in charge of all 1st year field trips remember?

Leg power: Oh yeah!! I almost forgot the 1st year trip to Mist Aquarium was coming up! You guys will like it there, especially since dad lets everyone explore some parts of the big city too!

Narutomaki: Woah I've never been to the city before, much less out of town

Ninenine: Our aquarium visit was so much fun last year!!!

Ninenine: Neji touched a jellyfish and almost puked because "it felt weird" lmao

Leg power: Was that the most highlighted memory you have of the trip?

Ninenine: Oh no the most memorable thing was when Asuma ate that street ramen and got food poisoning, then Kurenai told us to never take food from strange food trucks lmao

Bihexual: Wait whys Konohamaru with you guys again? His parents out of town or something? Asuma not able to watch him?

Narutomaki: Oh yeah pretty much. Asuma is busy organising the 2nd year field trip I guess. Says the 2nd year class is actually bigger this year so he's got a lot of shit to do.

Sea urchin: OMG MARU JUST LICKED THE LAST FUCKING CAPRISUN WHILE LOOLING STRAIGHT INTO MY EYES THST LITTLE FUCKING DEVIL

Narutomaki: Ah so that's what that scream was

Ninenine: Your house is very chaotic

**[8:34 PM; 2 hours later]**

Leg power: Somehow we ended up duck taping Konohamaru to the side of the house….

Growing up Creepie: Its duct

Leg power: What?

Growing up Creepie: Its  ** _duct_ ** tape. Not duck.

Leg power: Now Shino, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, but….

Leg power:  _ Fuck you. _

Growing up Creepie: Well damn you've been spending too much time around Sasuke and Naruto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't gathered already I trying out an update schedule, but I think I'm gonna simplify it to a Saturday/Wednesday update instead. Anyway, thanks for reading and the kudos!


	5. Gai's alien spores

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Little bird
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child

#Talk-shit-get-hit

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I know its like 2 in the morning on fucking Saturday but I've been fuckin stressing

Leg power: About what?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Woah Lee, your awake???

Leg power: Ah yes

Leg power: I've been up finishing an essay is all

Leg power: But what have you been stressing about? Talking about it might help, that is what dad always says!! ✧✧✧

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Could I dm? I don't wanna bother anyone with my petty bullshit

Leg power: Of course!

Narutomaki:  Gay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message to @Leg power)

Leg power: Bestow upon me your woes of fuckery

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: My dad has been pressuring me to study law and join his law firm after I graduate. Well not really pressuring, just pushing law schools in my face but still..

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: And then there's the fact that I  _ already _ have a scholarship and several colleges lined up ready to take my ass by the cheeks and run me through their curriculum.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Mom says its fine I don't have an actual plan. I'm a 15 year old— as my parents and doctors say, not me by no means— genius who skipped a couple grades but had the option to go straight to college. I just didn't choose to because I didn't want to leave Choji behind, someone's gotta stand up for him when others talk behind his back. And I sorta wanted to at least experience highschool in some way….

Leg power: What is it that you would want to do, Shikamaru?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Wdym?

Leg power: You know, what interests you enough to make it your living? Your career?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I like….

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Uh

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Shoji?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: But there's really nothing for that, already looked. There's just yearly competitions.

Leg power: What else?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: What else? Uh..

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Well there's computers? I've always been interested in computer stuff like programming and stuff. I'm kinda working on one, been working on it for a year now.

Leg power: Oh!!! You can do things like that! And many colleges have classes on computery things!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Ah yeah that's true I guess.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Hey have you given any thought of what you'd wanna do? You have a year to go but still.

Leg power: Oh yeah I have actually!! I plan to be in the Olympics one day!

Leg power: My goal is track and field, although I have been thinking about swimming— but I'm not entirely sure since I don't do very well in water in the first place

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Whadda mean you don't do well in water?

Leg power: I have difficulty staying afloat on my own. It is a weird phenomenon but dad wants to help me overcome it

Leg power: Except he can't swim at all so—

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Big excitable coach man can't swim??? Holy shit

Leg power: Not sure why he's never learned

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: What if its because he's an alien?

Leg power: Could explain his tiny bald spot….

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: The bald spot is the opening for his alien spores >.>

Leg power: Oh O.O

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Don't go to sleep tonight or the spores will attack

Leg power:  _ Will cooking spray keep the alien spores from affecting me!? _

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Yeah man they hate that shit

Leg power: Time to go find the cooking spray--

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Can't tell if your serious or not but okay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Sea urchin: Its a fall formal

Munchlax: :?

Sea urchin: When Naruhoe talked about Iruka and probably Kakashi talking about a dance? Its the fall formal. They're announcing it this Thursday but the news about it is up on the school website apparently

Munchlax: Oh!!!

Ninenine: @Big bird Babe!!! I love you!!! I'll pay for your ticket!!! Take you to your favorite gas station for some nachos!!!

Big bird: I was going to ask :(

Ninenine: We all know you'll end up asking Hinata to ask me lmao

Big bird: You know me so well

Munchlax: Eh I'm not asking anyone. I'd rather just go with friends For my freshman dance, wait til senior year for a date I guess.

Sea urchin: I'll hang with you then Choji. I'll be around Naruto all night unfortunately, that is if he doesn't get a date.

Furry in a hurry: @Little bird if you want you can hang with me and Shino like at our 6th grade dance.  That is if you don't ask a certain someone

Little bird: Kiba!!!!!!!! Ó/////Ò

Furry in a curry: ( ° ꄃ̑ ° )

Sea urchin: Oh god I've already got texts from a few classmates….

Sea urchin: No one but you guys and Iruka know I'm ace and I've  _ barely _ explained how I feel about dating rn

Narutomaki: Want me to throw a rubber chicken filled with mashed potatoes at them?

Sea urchin: No I'll just ignore them

Growing up Creepie: Do you mind if you explain? I'm still in the questioning period and you're the only ace guy here so—

Sea urchin: Don't just go from my experience or preference— asexuals can date without any intimacy and shit. Its just I'm both in the questioning period— like idk what gender I prefer or even if I do care about gender??— and also I'm just not into dating yet. Most people don't understand asexuality right off the bat, especially since its different for everyone.

Sea urchin: I'm not ready to try dating because I don't know what to do if my partner wants an intimate relationship or would understand that I just don't feel comfortable with having one.

Growing up Creepie: Huh…  _ What if I said the only intimacy I wanted was to be submerged in a tub of warm melted cheese? _

Sea urchin: Then I would say your are valid

Little bird: Is it weird that the cheese tub sounds sorta fun in a weird way?

Munchlax: Nah youre valid.

Big bird: Uncle isn't home Sunday. He's going to leave us with enough money to buy 4 pizzas. We could buy whole pouches of nacho cheese sauce and heat it all up to make it gooier. We can do it and he won't ever know.

Little bird: :o

Munchlax: Omg Neji are you okay

Munchlax: Your not usually this….  _ Shino-y _ .

Growing up Creepie: Did you just use me as an adjective?  That is an adjective right?

Big bird: Not going to lie, I am very sleep deprived

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Pervy-Sage-updates

Narutomaki: Pervy Sage is actually wearing pants I'm so proud of him

Sea urchin: He's wearing entire suit actually

Sea urchin: FancyPervert.jpg

Sea urchin: I feel like a proud parent for some reason….

Narutomaki: Omg did you notice the frog tie??? Its not clear in the pic but he's wearing one

Narutomaki: I want this old fart to be my grandfather

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Flower child: @Leg power the pictures and videos were sent a fe w hours ago, has Father Man seen them?

Leg power: He has not been on his computer yet. He doesn't get on until noon after lunch on weekends.

Flower child: Shit

Leg power: I will keep you posted though!

Leg power: How many pictures and videos were sent anyway?

Flower child: Well the photo slideshow has over 30 of them, most of them taken by Hinata because she thought he looked pretty with the flower crown— I swear that girl is so pure(when she isn't scary). There's only like 4 videos. Me and Shika took more than 4 but we picked our favorites out.

Leg power: I'm thinking next we should do dad. Take snap chats of him.

Flower child: Oooooh I like the way you think Lee!!!!!! :DDDD

Leg power: Ooh ooh!! I have an even greater idea! Dad is very bad at the newer technology they have these days so what if I showed him sc and made him play with the filters? He is always trying to, as he would say, " _ RELATE TO THE YOUTHS OF TODAY!" _

Flower child: YES

Flower child: Old people are so cute when they're clueless about phones and stuff!

Leg power: Dad is only 31, he isn't that old :/

Leg power: Well his spirit is I guess….

Flower child: He says old people phrases. He's old.

Leg power: I say them too. Does that mean I'm old too?

Flower child: Yeah.

Leg power: :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Ninenine: Who's all stalking the gay teachers today? Lee and I are.

Narutomaki: I'm in

Growing up Creepie: I haven't stalked Kakashi yet, mostly because I'm not sure where he lives and I keep forgetting Hatake is his last name  I mean seriously why do we all call them by their first names in chat, I've been getting detention warnings for calling them by first name and "being disrespectful"all because we do it in chat

Leg power: Does that mean You  _ HAVE _ stalked my dad?

Growing up Creepie: …..

Growing up Creepie: No.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Leg power: He has seen it!!

Ninenine: Well??

Flower child: Give me the hot details you weird child

Leg power: Well he burst out laughing. Then he called me over and asked if this is what we— namely Tenten, Hinata, Naruto, Shino, Choji, and I— were doing all day. He ruffled my hair and told me not to take photos of the teachers without permission and then I think he forwarded them to Kakashi's email?

Flower child: 1) Awwww your dad ruffled your hair, dude that's cute <3 2) I can't believe he knew AND he sent the things to him oml

Narutomaki: Guys I'm crying what if Kakashi fucking comes in with a flower crown???? There was so many flower crown filters

Ninenine: I too would cry

Flower child: IM GONNA MAKE KAKASHI AND COACH SOME CROWNS OMG

Leg power: Woah!!!!

Narutomaki:  wOaH

Flower child:  No

Narutomaki:  Sad wOaH :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#talk-shit-get-hit

My fan is bigger than yours: I've been sleeping all day and missed dance class :)

Narutomaki: Oof

My fan is bigger than yours: Its a good thing my dad doesn't give a shit!

Narutomaki: What kinda dance classes you even take?? Those usual rich people dance classes or what?

My fan is bigger than yours: Its just traditional Japanese dances right now. I'm almost done with that course so next I'm going free style! Before jtd I took ballet when I was 7 I think? Yeah about 7.

Narutomaki: Woah :000

Narutomaki: Are you like gonna do this stuff professionally or something??

My fan is bigger than yours: Not really, its just a hobby for now.

Gaara: I remember her specifically saying "I want to be a unicorn dictator princess" when she was 10 and so that is what I expect her to be in 3 years time

Narutomaki: That's it, my new goal in life is to see Temari become the world's first Unicorn Dictator Princess

My fan is bigger than yours: omg

Gaara: Temmie aren't you supposed to finally take over the company when you turn 18? Or was that Kankuro?

My fan is bigger than yours: Yeah that was Kanky. Before dad got assholely he made Kank the one to take over since he's the oldest son. Plus dad actually asked me if I wanted the company and I plain out said fuck no

Narutomaki: What is your company anyway???

Gaara: It's a pretty small florist company. Its based in the city and is currently run by a family friend. It was my mother's company until she gave it to our dad just before she passed and I was born. Its been in her family for about 30 years think?

Narutomaki: Wait are you talking about the "Sandy village florists"? Its the only flower shops I know is in the city. Ino has talked about them a lot.

My fan is bigger than yours: Yep

Munchlax: Sorry for a sudden subject change but duuuuuudes go to #kakashi-sucks, And Naruto come over to the cafe if you wanna see this shit in person

Narutomaki: Oooh hell yes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#kakashi-sucks

Big bird: I can't believe Kakashi is gay™

Munchlax: I can

Munchlax: No straight man will kiss another man— unless they were bicurious or wanted to just experiment, either way its very valid

Narutomaki: I'm still at the comic store but I can HEAR Lee cryingfrom across the street omfg

Ninenine: Oml you can??? Shit he might give our position away then--

Big bird: "I can't help it they're so happy looking!" is what I'm sure he's trying to say but its all "Ibcja jahduzn shok djzbak!"

Furry in a hurry: I fucking can't Gai is dragging him from the cafe and Kakashi isn't even protesting omg they're perfect together

Ninenine: Ahdhdbzkajvdbxhdhdj fuckjng ABORT MISSION SJCVSJS

Narutomaki: Aw but I'm about to cross the road to get there :(

Narutomaki: Oh Sasuke is here now :o

Big bird: KIBA HAS BEEN SPOTTED

Munchlax: FUCK IM CRYING HE JIST SPRINTED FROM THE CAFE WHEN THEY REACHED THE FRONT DOOR I DONT THINK THEY  _ ACTUALLY _ SAW HIM TIL HE RAN OUT

Munchlax: I'M STILL HANGING OUT IN THE BACK EATING MY FUCKING CROSAINT ROLL

Munchlax: OH GOD I CANT BREATH I THINK IM HAVING A STROKE KIBA IS SUCH A DUMBASS

Gaara: Update me what's going on with the running stooges?

My fan is bigger than yours: This is so much better than watching tv tbh

Narutomaki: Thamxbs ajzo alafuc akslwbcg

Sea urchin: He's running and texting hold on

Sea urchin: *They're all still running down the strip

Sea urchin: Also Gai and Kakashi are just calmly walking

Sea urchin: Probably waiting for them all to pass out from the unnecessary running

Bihexual: I've just been sitting in the ice cream shop's outside tables watching and I just,,,,

Bihexual: Why are they all idiots????

Sea urchin: First to fall over? Fucking Tenten

Sea urchin: And there goes Lee and Kiba

Sea urchin: I think Neji just fell over for the fun of it

Sea urchin: Omfg Naruto caught up to them and fell over on top of Neji on purpose

Munchlax: CALL AN AMBULANCE I THINK IM DYING OF LAUGHTER

Flower child: Oh dear Ramenthulu I  _ JUST _ got my breath back don't make me imagine Naruto slowly falling on Neji—

Sea urchin: They caughtup to them and now I'm being called over by Kakashi oh god fuck dammit shit my little heartless soul is shitting its pants right now

Puppetmaster: Well I guess everyone just fucking died

Puppet master: When's it my turn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Updates are on Wednesday and Saturday now!


	6. Witch trial witch trial witch tri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of the weed smokes
> 
> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Little bird
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child

#talk-shit-get-hit

Gaara: There is a strange man following my father and idk if I want to warn him or let whatever will happen happen…

Narutomaki: HELLO ASSHOLES GUESS WHOS OFF OF GROUNDING

Furry in a hurry: FURRIES REALLY ARE UNITED BECAUSE IM OFF MY GROUNDING AS WELL, MY FURRY FRIEND

Gaara: I think this man plans to murder my father. Is it bad I am weirdly okay with this?

Bihexual: OH SHIT WHADDAP ITS BEEN FOREVEReventhoiveseenyouguysatschoooool

Gaara: I am being ignored so I guess that means let the murder happen

Bihexual: I'm not ignoring you I just don't know how to respond without sounding totally Shino-y >>

Furry in a hurry: Call the police AFTER the murder ;)

Narutomaki: As a guy who wants to be the captain of police people….

Narutomaki: Call them after the murder?? Idfk I don't posses common sense yet

Bihexual: He hasn't reached lvl 2 of being a human being yet

Narutomaki: Exactly

Sea urchin: Iruka hid the chips all through these 3 weeks so you know what I'm gonna do?

Narutomaki: He ate them all

Sea urchin: …..what

Narutomaki: Yeah

Narutomaki: He ate them all with Pervy Sage

Narutomaki: Oh!! That reminds me, 3 weeks of #Pervy-Sage-Updates coming your way

Sea urchin: I really wanted those chips….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Pervy-Sage-Updates

Narutomaki: Week 1, day 1, evening of the gay teachers' uprising; The Sage speaks more than one word

Narutomaki: So there I was, minding own business— cleaning the shed and shit cuz Iruka is an asshole— and Puwurvy Sage just leans over the gate and says "a dog shit in my yard, do you perhaps know who's dog?" And I sjdvdjdgdnhrjfnfbabsjfjdndifb

Narutomaki: This fucker's voice is like a young dude's voice?????????? Wtf he's like?????

Narutomaki: Fucking 80??????

Narutomaki: Week 2, day 4, after school; Grandma Tsunade goes to his place again

Narutomaki: Okay Grandma comes over to hand deliver some bullshit Iruka needed and then suddenly she sees Pervy Sage coming over and is like "HEY JIRAIYA!" and he smiles at her and I just????? She leaves us alone and just enters his fucking cave of fuckery

Narutomaki: The moral of this story is all old people know each other

Narutomaki: Oh also I told her his name isn't  _ Jiraiya _ , its Pervy Sage. Duh.

Narutomaki: Week 2, day 7, early morning; Pervy Sage forgot his robe

Narutomaki: Self explanatory but its hilarious because he was running after some lady who I'm guessing stole his pants and then his car

Narutomaki: Which wasn't funny… It was just….

Narutomaki: Sad.

Narutomaki: He got it back tho

Narutomaki: The car keys, not his pants or his actual car. He just ran down the road in boxer shorts and that's it.

Narutomaki: Week 3, day 2, after Iruka was cleaning the grill from dinner; Pervy Sage and Iruka gorge themselves on almost stale potato chips because Sasuke was looking forward to the chips today

Narutomaki: They even used the fucking fire pit

Narutomaki: They were mocking us (≖_≖)

Narutomaki: And this ends the Pervy Sage updates! Tune in tomorrow morning for more!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#talk-shit-get-hit

Munchlax:  _ /pretends to put ChapStick on like its lipstick/ _ am bootifull

Puppetmaster: What dat booti full of?

Munchlax _ : /pulls a whole pack of ChapStick from my pockets and one packet of salt/ _ .....stuff

Puppetmaster:  _ /reaches into my own pockets and comes back with nothing/ _ Darn

Munchlax:  _ /teleports 20 ChapSticks into your pocket/ _

Puppetmaster:  _ fear _

Munchlax:  _ evil cackling _

Furry in a hurry: Wtf

Puppetmaster:  _ WHY ARE THERE  _ ** _WORMS_ ** _ IN MY POCKETS _

Munchlax:  _ SHIT I TELEPORTED THE WRONG THINGS-- _

Furry in a hurry: Why is this happening I'm scared

Little bird: Oh

Furry in a hurry: Hinata help

Furry in a hurry: DID YOU JUST GO OFFLINE?? HOW DARE!!!!!

Munchlax: Welcome to Burger king, would you like a big mac or worms?

Furry in a hurry: @Little bird GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME

Puppetmaster: He has not chosen. He must go to the worms now.

Munchlax: SACRIFICE THE NONBELIEVER

Furry in a hurry: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!? DID SHINO STEAL YOUR PHONE AGAIN!?

Growing up Creepie: Nah

Munchlax: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHl

Puppetmaster: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Furry in a hurry: AAAAAAAAAH

Little bird: @Munchlax I'll take the worms please

Munchlax:  _ Excellent _ .  _ Warm worms for the lovely lady. _

**@YOUTH just showed up. Hold my beer.**

**@White Lightning just appeared. Seems OP- please nerf.**

Munchlax: Oh

Munchlax: You guys what some worms too?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Ramenmademegay

Bihexual: My lesbian powers grow stronger day by day, meanwhile I store my str8 powers for another day

My fan is bigger than yours: Neither my lesbian or str8 powers are active

My fan is bigger than yours: I'm as single as a half eaten oreo :(

White Lightning: How is a half eaten oreo single?

My fan is bigger than yours: Whom the fuck—

Bihexual: When did we start changing names? Or inving new people?

Bihexual: I am scared

White Lighting: *inviting

Bihexual: Hey!!! That's cyberbullying! >:(

White Lightning: Not it isn't. I am merely fixing a spelling mistake.

My fan is bigger than yours: Looks like he was just invited. His and some other person just showed up and their thing is in the main chat.

White Lightning: *Him

Bihexual: I don't like them >:(

White Lightning: ಡ᎔ಡ

Growing up Creepie: OMG I SHARED THE WRONG INVITE LINK TO TWITTER

Growing up Creepie: Sasuke asked me to send the class trip chat link to the class twitter and I guess I accidentally sent out the wrong one. Thought I deleted it before anyone clicked it.

White Lightning: Well you didn't

Bihexual: So who are you? Do we even know you personally?

White Lighting: Mah I'm going to leave this later so it's okay. You don't need to know.

YOUTH: Kakashi!!!!!!

White Lightning: I hate you Gai

YOUTH: No you don't

White Lightning: I will burn you at the stake

White Lightning: Witch trial time

Bihexual: :0000

Bihexual: @Narutomaki THE TEACHERS HAVE INFILTRATED OUR SANCTUARY

My fan is bigger than yours: Omg what is happening

Narutomaki: FUCK

Narutomaki: *FRICK

Narutomaki: DONT TELL IRUKA I CURSED HE'LL GROUND ME AGAIN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#talk-shit-get-hit

IfImofflineImsleelingFuckOff: I might've just sniffed like a whole pack of sharpies with Choji and Ino….

Flower child: Haha were gonna die

YOUTH: That is a very bad thing to do.

Narutomaki: Stop bulling us coach Gai :(

IfImofflineImsleelingFuckOff: Okay I must be high

Munchlax: Dude how are you high from sharpie?? Have you ever been high before? Because its totally what you aren't rn

White Lightning: *Because its totally not what you are right now

Munchlax:  **How dare you**

Narutomaki: There are two teachers here

Munchlax: AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HIGH BEFORE EITHER NOPE NO I HAVE NOT

Narutomaki: .-.

White Lightning: I'm calling your father, whoever you are

Munchlax: @IfImofflineImsleelingFuckOff: can you ban them? They're gonna rat me out for what's actually Naruto's fault!

Narutomaki: Hey youre the one who wanted to try it. Plus Hinata provided it.

Munchlax: @Little bird

Little bird: How dare you

Little bird: I am not mad but how dare you

Narutomaki: The mastermind must go down with her flying monkey minions

Little bird: :(

IfImofflineImsleelingFuckOff: My head really hurts I think I lost 50 brain cells….

Munchlax: Good. We can lose more together. Me and Ino already share one mutual brain cell.

Narutomaki: Did we forget about the teachers?

Little bird: Oh wait shit there's teachers here now?

Narutomaki: Ye

Little bird: Well I'm leaving before I say anything that could get me off their good sides--

IfImofflineImsleelingFuckOff: Why do sharpies smell so good yet they are very deadly?

Little bird: Because they are the forbidden fruit of the smelly marker world

Little bird: Have you smelled those markers that are actually made for smelling?

Narutomaki: I once ate the chocolate scented marker. Sasuke ate an orange one.

Narutomaki: We went to the hospital together and it was only two weeks after meeting each other. We were 12. Good times.

Flower child: Sharpies make my head all hurty :(

Narutomaki: Good

Little bird: Are they offline?

Narutomaki: Looks like theyre in #Kakashi-sucks bullying Sasuke now

Little bird: Well then before they come back here…..

Little bird:  ** _I burned Neji's stash which was an idiot move_ **

Narutomaki: Hinata I say this with all my heart but

Narutomaki:  _ You are an idiot _

Little bird: I PANICKED

Little bird: I GOT IT ALL FROM NEJI AND I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND ANCJSGSJEBEIDNFJFSBDGDUDHHSJDB

Little bird: Neji and Tenten are gonna kill me :(

Munchlax: OMG STOP NAMING NAMES YOU'RE REALLY BAD AT THIS SKBRJFHFBDJ

Narutomaki: I'm fucking crying we all did this one time out of curiosity.Choji why do you know "what to do"??? Hinata don't steal from your brother's stash that is an obvious thing to not do— also don't name people lmao

Little bird: I CAN FEEL IT WORKING ALREADY IS IT SUPPOSED TO WORK THIS FAST OR AM I JUST HAVING A PANIC ATTACK!?

Narutomaki: Omfg Hinata whyyyy

Munchlax: You obviously can't tell right now but I am w h e e z i n g

Munchlax: I'm calling Neji and heading over to their place before she tries to do something stupid  I hope he actually answers that buttlord >:|

Narutomaki: On my way

Gaara: Kankuro smokes and I am still unsure if it is a regular cigarette, weed, or a packet of smarties

Leg power: Smarties? Actually yeah I could see him smoking smarties….

Gaara: Exactly

Gaara: I've only ever had candy cigarettes

Gaara: You know the ones with the characters on it?

Leg power: Does it count if I've had smoked sausage?

Ninenine: Don't lie and say you're a goody two shoes Lee! You've drank the adult juice before! >:|

Leg power: Well yeah on accident

Big bird: HINATA FUCKING WHAT!?

Ninenine: "Accident"

Leg power: I thought it was juice okay!?

Ninenine: No one would bring juice to an unsupervised high school party Lee…

Leg power: I am just a little bean, leave me alone :(

Gaara: I am the president of the Lee protection squad

Leg power: I love you so much babe :')

YOUTH: ROCK LEE YOU HAVE DONE WHAT!?

Leg power: Well fuck

Ninenine:  _ Oh _

Leg power: If anyone needs me I'll be offing myself with an almond

Ninenine: Sweetie honey no

Gaara: Hey that's my line

Leg power: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck he's coming to pick me up whERE IS NEJI SO I CAN HIDE BEHIND HIS HAIR

Ninenine: WHEEZE

Ninenine: He ran off to stop Hinata from doing something dumb lmao

Ninenine: Also Hinata burned our stress relief TuT

Ninenine: This is truly a sad day

Leg power: But you guys barely use that stuff

Ninenine: We were saving it for exams!

White Lightning: Everyone here has detention

Ninenine:  **ACK**

Gaara: Good news in all of this bad: the guy following my dad is his new assistant

Gaara: I was paranoid and pulled a home alone tho

Gaara: Now they have a broken wrist

Gaara: But also they give me the creeps

Puppetmaster: Of course I smoke smarties you think I'd actually poison my body???? The fuck bro

Gaara: ಠ_ಠ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapstick convo was a literal convo I had with a friend just changed a little lmao.  
Thanks for reading, the kudos, and the comments! ^^


	7. Burrrio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I accidentally posted the wrong chapter and only realised it .01 seconds after posting it o-o
> 
> ~~~~~~~~  
Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Little bird
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH

#talk-shit-get-hit

Leg power: Do you think chickens exercise?

Gaara: Lee, honey, sweaty

Gaara: Are you okay?

Leg power: Don't you mean "sweety"?

Gaara: No. You sweat a lot.

Leg power: Oh.

Sea urchin: Ouch you just got burned

Leg power: No I didnt?? I did not hear the crowd of "oooooooooh"

Sea urchin: I'm going to be honest I can't tell the difference between a real burn or a bad burn and I can barely tell if I'm going to burn someone

Leg power: Well your accidental burns make me cry

Sea urchin: Good

Sea urchin: Your tears sustain me

Bihexual: Everyone must sacrifice a tear to our lord and savior Saucegay Turdunken

Sea urchin: Give your salty liquids to me mortals

White Lightning: Aren't you kids in class right now?

Sea urchin: Shush

Bihexual: Sorry bi visibility day ended a while back. Me and Lee don't exist anymore according to society.

Leg power: Exactly

Leg power: We are insignificant losers again :)

Bihexual: Hell yeah

White Lightning: Please get off and learn

Gaara: Someone ban him I don't like him

Gaara: Make me an admin so I can ban them after reporting them

Sea urchin: Gaara no that's an abuse of power

Bihexual: Says the one who keeps deleting my messages in our personal server :')

Sea urchin: That's because you keep sending "burger king is my daddy"

Sea urchin: Sakura please that's a curse word in all servers we are in together

Bihexual: Burger king is my daddy

Sea urchin: How fuckig dare you

Leg power: Burger king is my daddy

Gaara: Burger king is my daddy

Narutomaki: Hey what's the chat alive for classes are happening

Narutomaki: Oh

Narutomaki:  ** _Burger king is my daddy_ **

Sea urchin: I wish a horrible death upon you all

Narutomaki: The witch doctor has spoken!

Bihexual: Haha nah he's a bitchdoctor

Sea urchin: I'm cursing you with early gray hair -_-

Bihexual: ( ꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)

Flower child: ILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT BB

Bihexual: Oh my that's gay :0

Bihexual: AND I AM SO DOWN FOR THE GAY LETS HOLD HANDS

Flower child: Oh my so bold •o•

Narutomaki: Omfg Sakura that's so lewd ew

Bihexual: Handst-t-t-touching.jpg

Narutomaki: HOW DARE YOU SEND SUCH GRAPHIC P*RN TO THE CHAT

Sea urchin: Reported

Gaara: kicked

Flower child: Swoon

Leg power: O-oh Sakura that is very r18 (⁄ ⁄•⁄ ʜ ⁄•⁄ ⁄)

Bihexual: Heheheh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Okay so I got some new cases for my buggie taxidermy owo

Little bird: Oooh are you going to keep taxaderming the butterflies? Those ones are oddly pretty

Growing up Creepie: Yeah its the only one my dad allows me to do anyway

Growing up Creepie: Says I can move to other bugs when I get more responsible with storing my supplies. And stop playing with their corpses.

Narutomaki: Tax a fucking stick bug

Growing up Creepie: I have no idea how to do those ones

Narutomaki: A tarantula then

Growing up Creepie: Where would I get a tarantula???? A dead one too, where????

Narutomaki: Idk the woods?

Growing up Creepie: 8|

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Guys go to #The-bunker the teachers aren't allowed there

Narutomaki: Why not just kick them???? They've been here for a week already cyberbullying us

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I'm too nice to kick and ban people…..

Narutomaki: No you aren't

Little bird: I'd do it in a heartbeat

Narutomaki: Oh shit your ruthless Hinata

Little bird: I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me!

Narutomaki: Hell yeah say it Hinata!

YOUTH: Language

Narutomaki: NO

Little bird: >>

Little bird: <<

Little bird:  fuck

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-bunker

Furry in a hurry: Okay is everyone here??? I see @everyone is online but are you here?

Narutomaki: I'm not

Furry in a hurry: How dare you

Bihexual: He's not here mentally

Sea urchin: Like at all

Puppetmaster: Why are we here again?

Growing up Creepie: I'm assuming its what we talked about during science today?

Furry in a hurry: Yeah

Furry in a hurry: Basically I wanna have a get together with the guys to go dance shopping because I already know the girls are planning one and I don't wanna feel left out

Bihexual: How the shit did you know we were planning one!?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I overheard it from Tenten and Hinata this morning

Flower child: Oh--

Little bird: Fuck

Furry in a hurry: Anyway, you guys up for it?

Narutomaki: Iruka is forcing me to go and also rent a tux so I'm up for it

Growing up Creepie: I wanna rent my first suit with my close buds so sure >>

Furry in a hurry:  For some reason I read "fursuit" and I was about to cry

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Eh if we do it tomorrow after school I'm free

Gaara: @Leg power ask me to the dance please

Leg power: But you don't go to our school

Gaara: Please

Gaara: This is to validate my worth as your boyfriend

Leg power: !!!!!!

Leg power: KEEP YOUR DMS OPEN I'M ABOUT TO SMOTHER YOU WITH MY LOVE

Leg power: Also yes I will go

Sea urchin: Fuck suits I'm wearing a goddamn Halloween costume

Narutomaki: Its a formal tho

Sea urchin: Frankenstein's monster wears a suit right? I'll go as him

Little bird: Oh

Big bird: I'm not sure if I want to…

Narutomaki: Wdym Neji?

Big bird: I don't know

Big bird: I'm confused about things

Narutomaki: Well that's alright. You and Tenten are going right?

Narutomaki: To the dance I mean

Narutomaki: Neji?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**(Direct message to @Ninenine, @Leg power)**

Big bird: The pressure is getting to me

Ninenine: Hey are you okay? Other than the pressure getting to you anyway….

Leg power: You dove out of study hall before Ebisu sensei could say a word.

Big bird: I don't know

Big bird: I don't know how I am doing anymore

Big bird: Do I want to wear a suit!? Do I want to wear a dress!? I don't know what to do and its fucking scaring me guys!

Leg power: Neji…

Ninenine: Where are you right now? I wanna talk in person Neji. Ebisu let me out to come find you.

Ninenine: Neji?

Big bird: Shizune's office

Big bird: I went straight there to lay on her office couch…

Ninenine: Oh my way boo xoxo (*´˘`*)♡

Leg power: Neji… Have you ever thought that maybe you should explore this? I don't mean to sound rude or intrusive. You are my friend and I care about you a lot.

Big bird: I don't know

Big bird: I just do not feel like a boy or a girl or even…. Nothing really…

Big bird: But that's right now

Leg power: What do you mean? I'm sorry, your explanation is a little vague.

Big bird: I don't feel like anything right now.

Big bird: It is like my body is alien to me

Big bird: It feels weird to look at myself and go "thats me" when I don't really feel like its  _ me _

Leg power: When you say you don't feel like anything today, what do you mean about other days?

Big bird: Sometimes I feel like being like a girl I guess. Wearing Hinata's old dresses, letting Hanabi put makeup on me, even painting my nails. All the stereotypical "girly" things. I like looking pretty.

Big bird: And then there are times where I feel like myself I guess? A male, as I was born one.

Big bird: I'm probably just sick right? This is a phase?

Leg power: Neji.

Leg power: You are not sick and this may or may not be a phase.

Leg power: I don't know specifically how you are feeling without experiencing it so I'm not sure why you feel this way.

Leg power: But I will help you to find this out óuò

Leg power: I will be by your side through it all, Neji. You are my best friend :)

Big bird: Thank you Lee. It means a lot to me.

Leg power: I would do anything for you Neji! Because that is what youthful friendships are for!

Big bird: Why did you have to quote your father…

Big bird: Lee?

Leg power: Yes?

Big bird: Thank you.

Leg power: You are welcome Neji ^u^ ❤

Ninenine: Lee!! You got him to smile!!

Ninenine: Smilinghoneyboo.jpg

Lee:  _ Totally not saving this _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**#The-bunker**

Bihexual: I'm thinking of wearing a suit actually

Big bird: I apologize for my sudden disappearance.

Narutomaki: Neji! Hey you okay man? I saw you dash past my classroom.

Big bird: I'm fine. I just got overwhelmed is all.

Narutomaki: Oh okay

Narutomaki: Hey I'm sorry if I said anything wrong. I didn't mean to.

Big bird: No need to apologize. It was my fault. I was way too engrossed in my own thoughts.

Big bird: @Bihexual you would look really nice in a suit

Bihexual: Oh!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Munchlax: Is it safe to swallow gum? My dad spooked me and I swallowed it >>

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Idk

Munchlax: Why dont you know? I thought it was your turn with the braincell today

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I might've lost it.

Munchlax: Ack that was the last one--

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Dammit me

Munchlax: I'll go to the dollar store for a new supply

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Aight dude

Munchlax: Should I get the on brand or the off brand braincells?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: On brand

Munchlax: Aight bro

Munchlax:  _ passes out singular braincells like its Olive Garden bread sticks _

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Woah

Munchlax: YOU GET A BRAINCELL, AND YOU GET A BRAINCELL, YOU ALL GET A BRAINCELL!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Thansk Oprah

Munchlax: Oh nah Josh ran over Oprah. She's gone. I'm  _ Dopebruh _

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  _ OH _

White Lightning: Children why

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: No one asked you to be here go away

White Lightning: :(

YOUTH: That was very mean Shikamaru

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  _ returns my braincell to Choji _

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: The Shikamaru you once knew is gone now

Munchlax: I ANM SMERAT NOW

White Lightning: *AM *SMART

White Lightning: Choji please use grammar and correct spelling

Munchlax: NOH AM NOT GUNNA DEW TAHT

White Lightning: Child you are testing my patience.

Munchlax: GUUD

Narutomaki: Its like 11 pm wtf

White Lightning: Child

Narutomaki: Adult

Narutomaki: Hey are you and @YOUTH really dating? Does that make @Leg power your son noe?

Narutomaki: I am very tired

Leg power Oh

Leg power: Kakashi is my dad now

Narutomaki: Rock Lee-Hatake

White Lightning: Children

Leg power:  _ Daddy _

White Lightning: LEE

YOUTH: Oh dear lord

White Lightning: He can't give you strength now

Narutomaki: Daddykashi and Daddygai

Leg power: My dads are teachers. This gives me so much power now. What should I do with it Naruto?

Narutomaki: Make a butrito

Narutomaki: *buriti

Narutomaki: **Burrrio

Narutomaki: Fuck it

Leg power:  _ Oh _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	8. Burn him at the crouton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Little bird
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH

#Pervy-Sage-Updates

Narutomaki: Pervy Sage is apparently responsible enough to supervise a child

Sea urchin: And Naruto is the child

Narutomaki: Fuck you

Sea urchin: I mean  _ you _ did say child--

Flower child: Why is he babysitting you???

Narutomaki: Uh some stuff has come up

Sea urchin: My brother exists again

Sea urchin: He was "wrongfully" arrested two cities over so we're going there to see him. Social worker says I could and I am.

Narutomaki: Road trip fuck yeah

Flower child: Oh!!

Sea urchin: Not too thrilled about it tho. I don't wanna talk about it.

Narutomaki: Yeah so I'm with Pervy Sage while Iruka and Sasuke go to the city and stuff. They gotta leave early and stuff to be there.

Sea urchin: Iruka doesn't trust him to be home alone lmao

Narutomaki: Plus side is I won't be going to school today or probably tomorrow because PS still hasn't gotten his car back

Flower child: Oh

Narutomaki: I'M ABOUT TO STEP FOOT INTO HIS HOUSE

Narutomaki: THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR UZUMAKI AND ONE GIANT LEAP FOR FURRY KIND

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#kakashi-sucks

Growing up Creepie: @everyone KAKASHI IS A BUTT LORD AND HE  **SUCKS**

Bihexual: Oh :o

YOUTH: How dare you child

Leg power: Oh shit

Leg power: Wait no

Leg power: Fuck

Leg power: Please don't ground me ;-;

Munchlax: Lee cursing out loud is the equivalent of encountering a random shiny Pokemon in the wild while in chat its exactly like Naruto's math grade— constantly failing but at least its constant

Narutomaki: I mean you aren't wrong

Leg power: Don't expose me like this Choji

Growing up Creepie: Lee curses at the lord's doorstep on Sundays and wears mixed fabrics

Leg power: Oh no my secrets--

Growing up Creepie: IVE DROPPED THEM ALL OVER THE GROUND AHAHAHAHHAHA

Leg power: SH*T

YOUTH: Lee you're a teenager I expect you to curse.

YOUTH: But if I ever hear you cuss in front of me at any other adults your grounded 6 ft under.

Leg power: Don't mind me just peeing my track suit a little….

Narutomaki: Omf save this boy

Leg power: I'm older than you

Narutomaki: *omf save this slightly older boy

Leg power: I'm a man!

YOUTH: Last I checked you didn't have chest hair son

Growing up Creepie: EXPOSED

Munchlax: Omfg bro wtf

Narutomaki: Gee coach gai you cyberbullied your own son

Gaara: Lee is crying

Gaara: Who hurt my boyfriend

Narutomaki: Oh no

Munchlax: It was @YOUTH beat him up

Gaara: Gladly

YOUTH: Hey hold on a minute Lee was doing some extra jogging during the lunch break, what is he doing with you Gaara? Why is he off school campus!?

Gaara: Shit we've been made

Gaara: @Leg power quick get down stairs and get in my principal's car its the red one I don't know how to drive so I hope you do!

Leg power: I do not know how to drive

Gaara: KICK IT INTO HYPERDRIVE WE'RE WALKING TO VEGAS

Growing up Creepie: THATS IN AMERICA

Gaara: I KNOW AND WE'RE WALKING ACROSS THE WATER WE HAVE THE POWER OF LOVE AND A GOD COMPLEX ON OUR SIDE

Munchlax: GAARA NO THAT WONT WORK

Gaara: TRY ME SLUT

Munchlax: I AM A SLUT BUT NO NEED TO BRING UP MY BIRTHRIGHT RIGHT NOW

White Lightning: You children concern me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Bihexual and @Narutomaki)

Sea urchin: I hate this

Bihexual: What's wrong? Are you already in the city?

Narutomaki: I thought it took more than 4 hrs to get there

Sea urchin: We got here like 20 mins ago idk I've lost track of time already

Narutomaki: But hey whats going on?

Sea urchin: He was arrested for breaking and entering of all things but he's not being charged because it was his old roommate's place and he was just breaking in for his laptop and the last of his clothes

Sea urchin: Aaaaaaand now Iruka is offering him a place to stay

Sea urchin: Wonderful

Bihexual: I wasn't all too present when the drama with your brother went on during middle school so does this have to do with that?

Sea urchin: No its about what happened BEFORE then. About the first time I'd seen him since his disappearance. The middle school shit was tame as fuck.

Narutomaki: Quick summary before Sasuke goes into detail about it and we end up here for hours: Itachi did and sold the squashed weedle and powdered kakuna, he got caught and was luckily bailed out by his foster Dad's cop brother. But he wasn't allowed back in the house because of his influence on the other kids and he was sent to a rehab center. At this time Sasuke was unknowingly in the same town, the one just 2 hours past this town.

Narutomaki: Well Sasuke's foster parents didn't like that so they gave him up for his safety and that's how he got into Iruka's care and met me.

Sea urchin: One thing he missed: He was only a few months away from turning 18 and he TOLD me he was going to adopt me. He didn't ask if I wanted him to or not.

Bihexual: Holy shit…

Bihexual: So what are you going to do now?

Sea urchin: I don't know

Narutomaki: Iruka is too soft hearted deep down to just turn a blind eye

Sea urchin: Yeah and considering how he carries his badge thing for rehab with him he's been sticking to it

Bihexual: How long?

Sea urchin: 2 yrs. He is honest, I have to admit. He said he made a mistake after his first yr and had to do it all over again.

Sea urchin: But that's not the big problem here

Sea urchin: I still can't believe he actually abandoned my parents at the car wreck

Sea urchin: I mean come on

Sea urchin: Wtf

Sea urchin: And then he finds himself as a runaway and just does nothing about it

Sea urchin: I gtg, things are getting cleared up here and were heading to his hotel room for his belongings and then lunch. Ttyl fuckers

Sea urchin: Ugh

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Narutomaki: Pervy Sage has like 30 containers of cookies and a mini fridge at his work desk Im--

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: That's it I aspire to be him

Narutomaki: Really?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: HE HAS A MINI FRIDGE AT HIS DESK

Munchlax: Duuuuuuuuuuude that's like a fuckig dream tho

Puppetmaster: I'd like to commit a murder

Munchlax: No

Puppetmaster: But why?

Furry in a hurry: I heard murder let's do this

Munchlax: NO

Narutomaki: Pervy Sage has a rusty pocket knife in his couch cushions wanna use it?

Puppetmaster: Yes

Munchlax: NARUTO NO

Narutomaki: YAY MURDER

Munchlax: NARUTO I THOGGT YOU WANTED TO BE A COP?????

Narutomaki: So…. No murder?

Furry in a hurry: Who are you trying to murder?

Puppetmaster: A classmate ate my lunch

Furry in a hurry: Okay

Puppetmaster: This is not "okay"

Puppetmaster: He ate my fuckin cheese borger >:(

Gaara: So?

Puppetmaster: THIS IS A CRISES BROTHER

Gaara: No its not

Puppetmaster: THIS IS A NATIONAL EMERGENCY

Gaara: Did you go hungry?

Puppetmaster: Nah I shared with Temari but still

Gaara: Then why get revenge?

Puppetmaster: Because I'm a cry baby bitch

Gaara: True

Furry in a hurry: I'm gonna sneak Akamaru to school at some point

Furry in a hurry: I'm really bored and he probably misses me

Furry in a hurry: I know I miss him

Furry in a hurry: He is my son and he deserves to be loved

Furry in a hurry: I am very emotional rn and idk why

Bihexual: Its okay honey its your hormones /pat pat/

Furry in a hurry: What the fuck

Bihexual: Shhhh let it all out

Flower child: Have some chocolate

Furry in a hurry: Omfg

Furry in a hurry: Why

Flower child: We're here for you

Furry in a hurry: No stop I'm emotional

Bihexual: NO YOU ARE OUR SON NOW WE HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU

Furry in a hurry: OH

Flower child: BB BOI BB

Furry in a hurry: Guess I have 3 moms now

Furry in a hurry: Can I have a dad too?

Furry in a hurry: My first mom scared him off

Munchlax: Say hello to  ** _daddy_ **

Furry in a hurry: Oh god no

Munchlax: COME HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU SON

Munchlax: LETS PLAY CATCH SON

Munchlax: LET ME TEACH HOW TO SHAVE SON

Furry in a hurry: NEITHER OF US EVEN SHAVE YET

Munchlax: LET US EAT POUNDS OF BACON TOGETHER AND LIFT THEM WEIGHTS SON HOOWAH

Furry in a hurry: HELP

Munchlax: I LOVE YOU SON

Furry in a hurry: OH DEAR GOD WHY

Narutomaki: PERVY SAGE SAYS YALL IS WEIRD

Furry in a hurry: DOWN WITH PERVY SAGE

Munchlax: BURN HIM DOWN AT THE CROUTON

Narutomaki: Don't you mean cross?

Munchlax: NO

Narutomaki: Oh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop late update! It was all dark and gloomy and nasty Saturday and not much would load so I didn't even try to get on and update. Sorry! Might be like that again for a bit, possibly getting the outsikrts of that new tropical storm. But thanks for reading though! ^^


	9. Chicken cubes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH

(Direct message @Bihexual and @Narutomaki)

Sea urchin: I hate this so fucking much

Sea urchin: First he apologizes to me for what happened years ago but it didn't sound genuine????? He barely even looked at me when he said it

Sea urchin: Then he fucking tells me he promises to be a great brother but let's see how far that fucking goes

Narutomaki: Don't you think your being way too harsh? I mean its only been a few days…

Bihexual: Naruto is right. I met him and yeah sure he does seen sleezy or whatever but it seems like he's at least trying.

Sea urchin: I know he's trying but I just fucking hate him for what he did

Narutomaki: He was like what? About 13 when it happened? Just cool down man, that's in the past. I mean yeah that doesn't excuse what he did after but still man.

Sea urchin: How can I cool down when the coward just up and left my dying parents!? He didn't go get help! They were in that road side ditch for hours and they died there! Meanwhile I was in school just playing with my friends! I couldn't do shit!

Narutomaki: Sasuke come on maybe you should hear the guy out?

Sea urchin: Your okay with him because your way too trusting. You see good in everyone. You just can't see the douche in him because he's that good at acting.

Bihexual: Sasuke where are you right now? I wanna talk face to face.

Bihexual: Sasuke?

Buhexual: Dammit he's offline

Narutomaki: He left the house hours ago and didn't tell me or Iruka where he was going.

Bihexual: Dammit…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-bunker

Ninenine: I saw Kakashi and Gay out jogging this morning

Ninenine: Oop *Gai

Leg power: Same thing

Ninenine: True

Gaara: What if my name was Gayra?

Leg power: Wheres the difference?

Gaara: Oh

Ninenine: Oml

Ninenine: Oh!!! Btw us girls just got done with our dance shopping!!!!!!!

Ninenine: I got a cute sunflower dress and these really cute tights too!!

Ninenine: OhfuckImtoocuteendmenow.jpg

Gaara: You look stunning

Ninenine: Thx!!!

Leg power: TENTEN YOU ABSOLUTE QUEEN

Ninenine: LEE YOU ABSOLUTE KING

Ninenine: Are you going suit shopping or are you still wearing your dad's old one????

Leg power: Neither :(

Leg power: Unfortunately I found out that Gaara is not allowed to come :(

Leg power: I only planned to go if Gaara could….

Gaara: Lee I told you. You can still go. Have fun for the both of us. Be with your friends.

Leg power: It wouldn't be the same tho. I went to the last school dance but then I left because I was alone and it wasn't fun..

Ninenine: Lee…

Gaara: Then come to my place the night of your dance. We can watch movies together until we fall asleep. Or until one of us puke from eating too much candy. You know dad doesn't mind when you say awhile.  He isn't that much of an ass thankfully

Leg power: That sounds like fun! Maybe we can do that!

Gaara: Then its a date?

Leg power: Yeah!!!! <3

Gaara: •᎑•

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Ugh gross affection

Munchlax: Smooch

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: NO

Munchlax: KISSY KISSY YOU BITCH

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: NO I AM EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED AND TIRED NO

Munchlax: ILY BRO

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: THE AFFECTION ITS KILLING ME

Munchlax: TAKE MY LOVE YOU WHORE

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: NO YOU SLUT

Ninenine: I am cackling rn

Leg power: When's their wedding? I wanna be the maid of honor :)

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: IF WE'RE HAVING A WEDDING I WANNA WEAR A PRETTY PRETTY VAMPIRE SUIT

Munchlax: I'm gonna wear a fucking t rex costume

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: You see this is why your my bro

Munchlax: Bro…

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Bro...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Its sad boi hrs

Little bird: That's against the rules stop

Growing up Creepie: I can't 8(

Growing up Creepie: I lost the ant queen and idk if I can keep the colony thriving 8/

Growing up Creepie: Also I'm not just sad about that

Little bird: Tell me your woes you hoe

Growing up Creepie: Well this hoe lost his ds charger and now all my villagers miss me and I fucking miss them

Little bird: Oh no :o

Growing up Creepie: Dictator Shino is sadly out of office at this moment….

YOUTH: Dictators are not good.

Growing up Creepie: Go away this is my mind palace shoo

YOUTH: No

Growing up Creepie: Oh 8(

Little bird: No arguing with that I guess

Growing up Creepie: Welp time to plan his murder in my dreams

YOUTH: Excuse me?

Growing up Creepie: You heard me old man ( ´ิ-´ิ )

Little bird: Shino no

Furry in a hurry: Hi. My name is Kiba. I'm a furry and I have a crippling addiction to capri sun juice pouches. Just the pouch. Not the juice.

Little bird: I'm Hinata and I have a crippling addiction for ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )

Furry in a hurry:  ** _OMFG HINATA_ **

Little bird: What? It may or may not be true ( ͡º - ͡º)

Growing up Creepie: Hello. My name is Shino. And I….  _ I HAVE AN ADDICTION FOR FUCKING YO MAMA _

Little bird: oh

Furry in a hurry: NO NOT MY MAMA

Growing up Creepie: YES YO MAMA

Narutomaki: Hinataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa piñataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Little bird: :o

Furry in a hurry: Hinata piñata may just be my new fav nickname for you

Narutomaki: I need help ;-;

Growing up Creepie: Mentally yes

Narutomaki: Your doing good in history right?

Hinata pinata: Yes?

Narutomaki:  Omfg you changed your name

Narutomaki: Can you help me study??? Please??? I'd owe you BIG FUCKING TIME dude

Hinata pinata: Let me think for a moment please

Furry in a hurry: Gotta consult the council of various Hinatas

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Growing up Creepie, @Furry in a hurry)

Hinata pinata: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Growing up Creepie: Clam down Hinata

Growing up Creepie: I mean calm

Growing up Creepie: But you can be a clam if you want to tho

Furry in a hurry: Say yes you absolute butt

Furry in a hurry: Then kiss him

Furry in a hurry: BECOME LOVE BIRDS

Furry in a hurry: TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL YOU ADORABLE BITCH

Hinata pinata: NOW ISNT THE TIME TO YELL AT MEEEEEEEE

Hinata pinata: WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO??????

Growing up Creepie: I'll kill him if you want me to

Hinata pinata: NO

Growing up Creepie: Aight was just a suggestion I'll cancel my order of a certain poison then

Furry in a hurry: Are you kidding? Did you really order poison online?

Growing up Creepie: Would you believe me if I said yes?

Furry in a hurry: No

Growing up Creepie: Then no. I am not kidding.

Hinata pinata: KdbdjdhjsjdhcbdhskmaahhdbksjdhdujeksowokwifjcbchdhbrubhdhdbdjdjdvhjzhsbsjkzksksksnFUCK

Hinata pinata: I'm gonna do it

Furry in a hurry: Get yo man

Hinata pinata: I'm gonna get my man!

Growing up Creepie: Dad ordered pizza you guys wanna come over and help me eat his portion while I love him out of the house?

Hinata pinata: That will be my victory reward! Yes!

Furry in a hurry: Hell ye!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Narutomaki: I have reason to believe that those chicken flavoring blocks are actual chicken meat just in cube form

Big bird: …..

Big bird: We were just talking about events of ww2 where did chicken cubes come from?

Narutomaki: Idk but probably from a chicken thigh

Hinata pinata: Yes o.o

Big bird: I… Naruto why...

Hinata pinata: I will tutor you Naruto

Narutomaki: Yes!!!!! Tysm Hinata! How's about Wednesday? I'm booked with track practice until then

Hinata pinata: Sure! ^u^/

Narutomaki: Awesome! Your the best Hinata Piñata!( ・ิω・)ノิิิ

Hinata pinata: ( ˆ꒳ˆ; )

Big bird: I'm still confused about the chicken cubes Naruto please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Leg power: It is official dissing Kakashi hours

Flower child: Okay what'd he do?

Leg power: Asked me permission to marry my dad

Leg power: Also I just learned they'd been dating for like half a year now and hdhdhbdjfhdbdhdbdbhdjxkwk wtf I didn't even know

Flower girl: Okay WHY don't you want them to get married?

Leg power: Because that means Kakashi gets to ask me in person if I've done the homework and I'm not really ready for that

White lightning: Child

Leg power: Not father

YOUTH: I am in love with that not father let me have this

Leg power: One condition: he doesn't bug me about homework

Flower child: Like the rest of us he wants to procrastinate on it. Your homework sucks Hatake-sensei sir

White lightning: Well yeah that was the point

White lightning: I am an asshole after all

YOUTH: Lee

YOUTH: Where are right now?

Leg power: Crap

Leg power: This is why Shino should've banned them from the channel

Flower child: Dude we can diss our teacher with him knowing and he won't even care take this opportunity to be a bitch to him without repercussions

Leg power: Okay

Leg power: Kakashi is huge stinky head

Leg power: I am sorry I've known this strange man for most of my life I cannot actually insult him

YOUTH: ANSWER YOUR PHONE CHILD

Leg power: Hey did you know Kakashi absolutely refuses to wear matching socks?

Flower child: Oml y tho??

Leg power: Idk probably because he's strange

YOUTH: ROCK LEE

Leg power: Also he can't stand jelly toast

Leg power: But he likes honey toast

White lightning: Stop attacking me son.

Leg power: You are not my dad yet shush please

White lightning: You little shit

YOUTH: ANSWER YOUR PHONE YOUNG MAN

Leg power: Oh the pizza we ordered is here :0

Flower child: Pizza???? BITCH WHY DIDNT YOU INVITE ME!?

Leg power: Can't discuss here but I am babysitting two idiots who are  _ very _ hungry

Flower child:  _ Oh _

YOUTH: ROCK LEE YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE

Leg power: OMFG NEJI IS DOING HANDSTANDS NEJI NO

Flower child:  _ Oh _

Flower child:  _ OMG HE'S HIGH OH DEAR LORD _

YOUTH: YOU ARE ON THIN ICE MISTER

Leg power: No I am not. I am on solid ground. In a house. There is no ice.

YOUTH: GET HOME NOW ITS PAST 10:30 PM

YOUTH: LEE

YOUTH: LEE GET BACK ON HERE

YOUTH: Why do you always choose to disobey me once a month? You confuse me son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-Mind-Palace

Growing up Creepie: What if sweating is just your skin crying?

Bihexual: Shino its 11 pm…

Growing up Creepie: My clothes may be cheap, but at least my depression is designer

Bihexual: SHINO

Growing up Creepie: I'm just going to stare at Speed Racer's face until I feel better.

Bihexual: WTF WHY SHINO WHAT IS HAPPENING ARE YOU OKAY????

Growing up Creepie: If you don't stop being dead this instant, I'm going to have your gravestone read "Daddy"

Bihexual: THIS IS ACTUALLY GETTING CONCERNING

Growing up Creepie: I'm browsing the cursed quotes tag on tumblr and I can see that they have the effect I was looking for

Bihexual: Which was?

Growing up Creepie: Confusion

Growing up Creepie: You over there sniffin'? It's not good for your brain

Growing up Creepie: You know what's nice? My sanity but you took it from me.

Furry in a hurry: That's been gone for a loooong time buddy….

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	10. Really bad Harry Potter fanfiction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> **kinda important message at the end

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Furry in a hurry: I'm so gay and in need of love.

Flower child: Then go find a boyf

Furry in a hurry: But I'm awwwwwwkarrrrrddddddddddddddd

Flower child: Oml

Puppetmaster: Hey so like @everyone I'm doing a little thingie for my class, its like community service and shit, and I'll be reading to kids. But uh…. I don't know any kids….. Can anyone hook me up with a group of illiterate children?

Munchlax: That last sentence can be taken out of context in SO MANY ways--

Growing up Creepie: Your FBI agent would like to know your location 🔫😶

Puppetmaster: Please my ethics class requires community service points I need help

Furry in a hurry: My mom is friends with a preschool teacher I can ask her to get into contact with her friend

Puppetmaster: OMG PLEASE ID LOVE YOU BRO

Puppetmaster: I need this grade ethics is actually a hard class

Gaara: That's because you don't listen

Puppetmaster: Fuck you

Gaara: (ーvー)凸

Puppetmaster: Asshole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @My fan is better than yours)

Leg power: ABFJXHDJSKJWNWKAOZBXB

My fan is bigger than yours: Make it quick boo, I'm in dance practice.

Leg power: AJFBSJAOJWNDHCIDNFJ

My fan is bigger than yours: Lee are you having a stroke or are you ass texting me again?

Leg power: Oh sorry I'm in class I thought I was typing legibly

Leg power: Anyway I'm trying to do a thing

Leg power: Gaara likes gardening, and for some reason he likes posters and mugs with realy bad puns printed on them, and then he also loves anything cinnamon flavored. But what could I get him that he would also like but is different from those stuff? I already got a gardening apron with a pun for him last month..

My fan is bigger than yours: Why are you always getting him gifts? Gaara doesn't get you much. No offense, just asking.

Leg power: That's because he had a break down when he couldn't choose my birthday present so I sorta told him to take his time or he didn't have to get anything at all and that was almost a year ago. Kankuro tells me he's still choosing.

Leg power: Anyway, its because I like to celebrate our relationship and Gaara sometimes doesn't like physical contact. So I thought I'd get him small meaningful gifts because I am very much in need of his love and hugs but I dont want to make him uncomfortable :)

My fan is bigger than yours: You guy's relationship is weird… And cute.

My fan is bigger than yours: But it is understandable. Gaara is still exploring himself and his sexuality and he's always had a hard time with showing how hr feels. Which you are helping with so thanks for that man.

My fan is bigger than yours: But anyway, what would make Gaara super happy is taking him on a trip to the family flower shop. He hasn't been since dad turned temporary ownership to his friend, which was 5 years ago.

Leg power: He really must love that place. He always talks about it with a smile.

My fan is bigger than yours: Yeah he really does :)

Leg power: Alright then I'll have to plan this out.

Leg power: Oh wait!!!

Leg power: Next month is actually our one year! I'll plan it for that! He would be overjoyed!

My fan is bigger than yours: He'd be so excited he'd actually smile for more than 5 seconds

My fan is bigger than yours: Oop I gotta go my break is over

Leg power: DO THEM DANCES

My fan is bigger than yours: HELL YEAH!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Ramen-made-me-gay

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: @everyone BE GAY DO CRIMES

Narutomaki: o

Munchlax: HELL YE

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Anyway now that this chat isn't dead

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Neji has an announcement

Hinata pinata Be kind or I'll kick your asses

Furry in a hurry: Hinata, sweetie, boo-bear

Furry in a hurry: You are barely 200 lbs you cannot kick anyone's ass

Hinata pinata: I can with a knife

Furry in a hurry: OOP OKAY THEN

Big bird: I think I may have figured myself out but I am not sure. I have just been thinking about myself and how I feel. Uncle told us of a charity event that Hinata, Hanabi, and I were all invited to this weekend and he asked us all to find some formal wear. Then he told me "Neji, you can wear a suit or dress. Whichever makes you comfortable." He knows I like wearing Hinata's dresses as he has caught me and doesn't care. I like them.

Big bird: In that moment it made me feel something and I am unsure of what. I don't know what it is but until I figure it out can you all please refer to me as they/them? I am unsure why but when he said I could wear whatever it make me feel more uncertain about myself but… I think it helped? Since it was verbally addressed and all by another person.

Furry in a hurry: UH HELL YES

Narutomaki: Any nicknames you don't like, like dude or bud or bro, just dm me yo.

Hinata pinata: You be you baby boo <3

Furry in a hurry: As long as we're coming out can I just say….

Furry in a hurry _ : I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS LOVELY MUFFIN GREMLIN NEJI YOU ABSOLUTE BEAST _ — THERE I SAID IT!

Big bird: Oh

Leg power: WHERE ARE YOU I WANNA HUG YOU NEJI

Ninenine: Dispatch, this is officer NineTenEleven here. We need to send out a bolo for a Mx. Neji Hyuga. Black hair, light eyes, sometimes answers to the name Enchilada Dick Sauce. Their crime is not being within my vicinity to hug lovingly. Hug on sight. I repeat, hug on sight.

Big bird: Tenten omg…

Munchlax: Yooooooo Enchilada Dick Sauce, we should go confuse my dad with this. He doesn't understand sexuality stuff and its fun to see him get confused yet very supportive at the same time.

Big bird: Confuse an old man for free? I'm in.

IfImoffImsleepingFuckOff: He still thinks Cho is willing to screw a pan and locks them up

Munchlax: Okay but if someone  _ paid _ me to I would make out with a pan

IfImoffImsleepingFuckOff: Do it

Big bird: I'll pay you 20 bucks to do it

IfImoffImsleepingFuckOff: With lipstick

Big bird: Bright red

Munchlax: OKAY OKAY SO HERES THE PLAN: IM STEALING THE KEYS FROM MY DADAND KISSING A FUCKING PAN

IfImoffImsleepingFuckOff: YESSSSSSS

Puppetmaster: I'm so confused…. Happy for Neji but confused and concerned for Choji….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Things to say instead of "Good night"

Growing up Creepie: Nighty night, Sleep well, Supercalifragilistic night, Don't let the boogeyman join forces with his buggie bretheren and eat your toes, Nice night, Shut your eyes you little bitch, Don't let the bugs eat your flesh, Tis dusk thy vain whore, Sweet dreams :)

White lightning: Shino

White lightning: Stop texting in class

White lighting: And all this is

White lightning: I don't know what all this is

White lightning: You are concerning me child

Growing up Creepie: Its hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh dusk

White lightning: No its 12:30. In the afternoon. And you have an essay to research for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-bunker

Leg power: Kakashi is coming over after school

Leg power: And I haven't finished the paper he assigned last week

Leg power: Oh god he is going to be asking about it because tomorrow is the last day to turn it in

Leg power: Ah crap I'm not ready for his fatherly disapproval yet

Leg power: He's not even my dad yet!

Leg power: They aren't even engaged yet so he's not even my pre-dad!

Ninenine: This calls for you know what ( ･ิω･ิ)

Leg power: Tenten I'm not getting high….

Ninenine: I was talking about a movie marathon of Kill Bill and a marathon of ATLA

Ninenine: And then _ I _ get high (*ᴗˬᴗ)⁾⁾⁾

Leg power: Tenten no

Ninenine: Kidding kidding

Ninenine: Me and Neji already planned a marathon tonight to celebrate their progress. Their uncle is even letting us move the TV into their room!

Leg power: !!!!

Leg power: Where is Hinata and Hanabi going to be?

Ninenine: Hinata will be at Naruto's for a study sesh and Hanabi has her lessons. Only other person home will be Uncle Forehead

Leg power: Why do you call him uncle forehead…

Ninenine: Yes

Leg power: W-what?

Ninenine: Yes

Puppetmaster: These children will believe anything I say or do anything I say. this is great

Leg power: Explain

Puppetmaster: Well you see a fire drill started and the teacher was out dealing with another kid stuck to the toilet across the hall— don't ask because idk man— and when it started the kids just didn't know what to do so I sorta told em to line up and scream as loud as they could as we exited

Puppetmaster: I may or may not be in trouble

Puppetmaster: I might not be because the kids think I'm cool

Puppetmaster: But they haven't seen my puppet collection so their opinions are still up for debate

Leg power: You are a terrible influence…

Ninenine: LET THE CHILDREN SCREAM

Puppetmaster: Shit the principal is calling me in

Leg power: How are you and Gaara related….

Puppetmaster: Well Lee, let me tell you about the birds, the bees, and an unhappy marriage between a great woman and a horrible man…

Leg power: That is not needed thank you

Growing up Creepie: Diks are baby hoses

Puppetmaster: Thanks I hate it

Leg power: I-

Ninenine: I thought I'd never say this but

Ninenine: I'm going back to my class work

(10 minutes later)

Puppetmaster: So uh… I'm not really in trouble but

Puppetmaster: Apparently reading really bad Harry Potter fanfiction was a bad idea for 4-5 yr olds…

Puppetmaster: They took my literal physical copy of a bad Harry x Draco fic and gave me all these horrible kids books

Puppetmaster: Ugh I can't believe I have to go back and read "the little engine that could" and "if you give a mouse a cookie" to them

Puppetmaster: I didn't go to the library and print out an entire 30 chapter(102 pages) fic and shell out an entire book and learn bookbinding ALL WITHIN THIS MORNING JUST AFTER CALLING THE TEACHER just to get it taken away :/

Leg power: What was the original book?

Puppetmaster: Twilight saga eclipse, the hard cover

Leg power: Kankuro why….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Narutomaki)

Bihexual: I'm getting worried…

Narutomaki: Me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay two things: 1) I just got to Sai(finally) and I do have his debut planned in this. Mention on it comes next chapter and his involvement probably comes the next NEXT chapter or after that one. Really depends when i actually get his character nailed down and then think futher on his position in the story. 2) I dont know if I will update Wednesday. I have a doctor's appointment with a new doctor so shits gotta be filled out and so ill be there all day. I have to travel 3-4 hrs out to the hospital in the next city over and Im not even sure if my service will even work out there yet. Either way, if there is no update then oop. Oh well.
> 
> But anyway, thank you so much for reading!


	11. YOUTHFUL wise man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH

#talk-shit-get-hit

Narutomaki: Hey did y'all hear?

Narutomaki: We might be getting a new student

Narutomaki: Overheard it from Iruka. Said they're gonna be in my homeroom and maybe lit class.

Bihexual: :0

Gaara: There are never new students here and I am thankful for that

Bihexual: Why?

Gaara: Because that would mean scaring off a new person and I'm not ready for the emotional toll that'll cause.

Gaara: Also I'm the only one who gets the oranges and actually eats them and I'm just not ready for that social structure to change.

Munchlax: Hey so anybody know how to fall asleep fast?

Narutomaki: Drugs

Munchlax: You got some? What kind? Are they legal?

Narutomaki: Smarties

Munchlax: Those aren't drugs

Munchlax: But I'll take them anyway

Hinata pinata: I cry myself to sleep

Narutomaki: I know Hinata

Hinata pinata: Every night

Narutomaki: I know Hinata

Hinata pinata: I am very tired Naruto

Narutomaki: Shhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hinata pinata: Don't tell me what to do please

Gaara: I kind of just down like two melatonin or listen to my brother speak

Puppetmaster: Fuck you

Gaara: Go to sleep you gremlin

YOUTH: It is 1 o'clock

YOUTH: Please sleep

Gaara: No

Narutomaki: No

Bihexual: Stop cyber bullying us

YOUTH: I am just stating the time, child

Hinata pinata: You know what time it is to me?

Hinata pinata: Time for me to stop being awake but alas I am an idiot and I am thinking about embarrassing things :)

YOUTH: Do I need to call your father Ms. Hyuua? I am very concerned for you.

Hinata pinata: Bitch you better not

Bihexual:  _ HINATA OMG _

Gaara: I have found new respect in this girl who I have yet to actually meet in person

Munchlax: What did I just come back to

Munchlax:  ** _DID HINATA CALL COACH BALDSPOT A BITCH!?_ **

YOUTH: COUCH WHAT NOW

Munchlax: Yes. I said "couch" totally not coach okay dude

Leg power: I keep seeing my dad's name pop up on my screen

YOUTH: Child sleep

Leg power: Well bye guys

Narutomaki: No Lee don't leave us here your dad is a strange strange man!

Narutomaki: Lee!

Bihexual: Its too late for him… He's gone…

Bihexual: Trust me, I've played Dr. Mario.

Munchlax: OH SHIT WE GOT A CERTIFIED DOCTOR IN HERE

Narutomaki: OH SHIT YES NOW I CAN STUFF ALL THIS FUCKIN LICORICE IN MY MOUTH AND IF I CHOKE SOMEONE WILL REVIVE ME

→Welcome Uno. Leave your weapons by the door.

Narutomaki: Wtf

Munchlax: WHO ART THOU STRANGE BEAST!?

Uno: Naruto...

Narutomaki: :0

Munchlax: Woah two Narutos

Uno: What no!

Uno: It's me Iruka Umino

Narutomaki: @Furry in a hurry NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO KICK HIM OUT BAN HIM DO WHATEVER PLEASE DONT LET HIM SEE MY CURSED TEXTS

Bihexual: He's crying over a boy at the moment

Narutomaki …

Narutomaki:  _ Details _

Narutomaki: Wait no later someone kick him off first

Uno: Bed.

Uno: Now.

Uno: Or you're grounded.

Narutomaki: Your not my dad!

Uno: Of course I'm not I didn't help bring you into this world. Because if I did I certainly wouldn't name you after a fish cake or a guy in an erotic novel.

Narutomaki: I

Narutomaki: wat

Narutomaki: WHAT

Bihexual: You broke him

Bihexual: And unfortunately the warranty expired a long time ago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Flower child

Furry in a hurry: INO

Flower child: KIBA

Furry in a hurry: FUCK I AM GAY AND IDK HOW TO FEEL RN IM SO CONFUSED

Flower: Need some gay wisdom? I gotchu sweetie

Furry in a hurry: Nah I just gotta spill my fuckin guts about this

Furry in a hurry: I hope you don't mind me bothering so late in the night

Flower child: Oh nah me and Saku are chatting. Its one of our "stay up until one of us fall asleep while texting or videoing each other" nights

Flower child: But go ahead and rant. Were just texting rn, sending love memes and cursed vids to each other

Furry in a hurry: Please send me the cursed videos later

Furry in a hurry: Anyway, remember this morning when Kankuro was like "someone help me I need to read to children supply me some children"?

Flower child: Yeah

Furry in a hurry: I texted him afterwards when mom gave me her friend's number and then I found myself texting him still on the way to school and then between classes

Furry in a hurry: During lunch and during Yamato's class because let's face it, he doesn't care about our phones

Furry in a hurry: And then he says he's leaving his classes early to go read to the kids. Said he was going to start immediately today because he didn't wanna waste any time. He says the directions his gps is giving is confusing so I excused myself to the bathroom and fucking face timed him and helped him get to the school of illiterate children for like idk 20 fucking minutes

Furry in a hurry: And omg

Furry in a hurry: Omfg

Flower child: Honey pup you okay?

Furry in a hurry: HIS VOICE IS NICE AND HIS HAIR IS NICE AND HIS MAKEUP  **OMG HIS M A K E U P**

Furry in a hurry: HES CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO WEAR MAKEUP THAT JUST SAYS A LOT IN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON HE IS AND THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY BECAUSE EVERYONE LOOKS GREAT IN MAKEU P AND OMFG HES SO CUTE DUDE

Furry in a hurry: And I can't forget how I offered to help walk him home so he doesnt get lost and and dnfhjsndndnjxbd dnd .

Furry in a hurry: Inoooooooooooi I think I have a crush on himmmmmmmmm

Flower child: o

Flower child: If you really do think you have a crush on him maybe you should talk to him more and then maybe ask him out? See if it works?

Furry in a hurry: I dunno... 

Furry in a hurry: Last I asked someone out he only said yes as a dare and joke

Furry in a hurry: I felt humiliated and shit

Flower child: Kiba sweetie that was middle school. Everyone in middle school are assholes. And that boy who did that to you? He's a MEGA ASSHOLE

Flower child: I don't know Kankuro personally at all but I know for sure he isn't like  _ that _

Furry in a hurry: So… I should go for it?

Flower child: If you feel like your crush is more than just a crush and you want more, then yes. I support you Kiba (◕ᴗ◕✿)

Furry in a hurry: Thanks Ino. Your a lot of help. (◕ᴥ◕ʋ)

Flower child: No problem man!

Furry in a hurry: I feel better now. I'm gonna try and sleep before mom catches me on my phone. Night and thanks again Ino.

Flower child: No problemo Kibarino

Flower child: Night!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Narutomaki: I had a pickle for breakfast today

Growing up Creepie: I had left over rice from the night before

Growing up Creepie: Okay I lied that was my 2am snack…

Narutomaki: Shino omg

Uno: Hello children!

Narutomaki: NO

Uno: Yes.

Growing up Creepie: I have admin rights. I can obliterate him from the server

Narutomaki: P L E A S E

Growing up Creepie: I got the raid time for extermination

Uno: Reverse card

Growing up Creepie: Dammit

Narutomaki: Aw man uno rules :(

Narutomaki: Oh hold up brb

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Bihexual)

Narutomaki: I'm not coming to school today…

Bihexual: What? Why? Are you okay?

Narutomaki: Its Sasuke. He kinda… well

Narutomaki: Itachi said something while Sasuke was doing his dishes. Then all of a sudden he's yelling at Itachi. Itachi yells back and it turns into a yelling match.

Narutomaki: Then Sasuke gets physical and I tried to stop it before Iruka heard so Sasuke wouldn't be in trouble

Narutomaki: Now we need some new plates and I need stitches on my leg

Narutomaki: Itachi is apartment hunting, Sasuke was forced to go over to Pervy's to cool down, and I'm on the way to the hospital for those stitches

Bihexual: Omg… Things have gotten that bad?

Narutomaki: Yeah

Narutomaki: I overheard Iruka a couple nights ago, talking about getting Sasuke into therapy

Narutomaki: He never got proper treatment after what happened. I'm guessing anyway.

Narutomaki: But um

Narutomaki: If I'm being honest

Bihexual: Yeah?

Narutomaki: I don't thnk that'd help him

Narutomaki: Somethings wrong and talking about his feelings aren't going to help

Bihexual: I'm so sorry Naruto…

Bihexual: If Iruka hasn't yet I'll email all the teachers and gather your work. I'm guessing Sasuke isn't coming either?

Narutomaki: No and Iruka called Shizune already. She's alerting them and getting mine and Sasuke's work

Narutomaki: I'm gonna go

Narutomaki: Irukawants me to apply moore pr essure

Bihexual: Okay. Keep me updated on your condition and the whole problem. Please.

Bihexual: <3

Narutomaki: I will

Narutomaki: <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Munchlax: I HAVE EVIDENCE THAT TACOS ARE SALAD BURGERS

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING PROOF CHOZILLA

Bihexual: Naruto and Sasuke aren't coming to school today guys

Munchlax: LETTUCE AND CHEESE AND UM um MEAT!? FUCK IDK DUDE

Munchlax: Wait oh shit why???? They okay????

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Oh shit

Bihexual: I'm not at liberty to discuss. I'm sorry.

Bihexual: But hey free reign to stick gum in Naruto's locker at least

Munchlax: :0000

White Lightning: Please don't stick anymore gum in anymore lockers…

White Lightning: Do you know how tough it is to clean that off?

Leg power: Hey not dad, can I have some gum please?

White Lightning: NO

White Lightning: And stop knocking on the door like a mad man >:(

Leg power: No

Munchlax: Ew stop we're kids keep your personal life away

White Lightning: Oh no I locked him out of the house for stealing my waffles

Leg power: And it was worth it

Leg power: (ง •̀ω•́)ง✧

White Lightning: Why do you insist on torturing me child?

Leg power: Dad said I could :)

White Lightning: You guys are so evil when you team up against me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Ramen-made-me-gay

Puppetmaster: The frogs turned the water supply gay

Puppetmaster: We harvested the gay water

Puppetmaster: And now….

Puppetmaster:  **THE RAMEN IS FUCKING GAY**

My fan is bigger than yours: Brother

Puppetmaster: Sister

Gaara: Gaara

Gaara: I wanted to be included I'm sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: News flash assholes Kakashi is a loser

Flower child: :0

Hinata pinata: Holy shit wow

Munchlax: THE MORE YOU KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Furry in a hurry: Oh boy new info I didn't know!

Gaara: If he's a loser do I have permission to not be the loser anymore @Puppetmaster ?

Puppetmaster: You're the younger brother therefore you are a loser, legally and rightfully

Gaara: Dammit

YOUTH: Why y'all gotta attack me like this?

Hinata pinata: Woah

YOUTH: Before you ask, yes I am on Gai's phone. Yes I stole it without permission. Yes I am looking at cute dog videos. Yes I left my phone charger at home. Anymore questions?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: What does being gay feel like?

YOUTH: Natural and comforting. Next question?

Munchlax: Can I still turn in last month's essay?

YOUTH: I'll deduct 70% off your grade but sure. Next?

Hinata pinata: Can I be a walrus when I grow up so I don't have to have any responsibilititties?

Munchlax:  <strike> ** _Responsibilititties_ ** </strike>

YOUTH: Not with that spelling error Missy.

Gaara: Can I just walk off school campus and join the circus?

YOUTH: I'm not your father so sure.

Gaara: Yes! I'm going to be a clown!

Puppetmaster: Oh wise Kakashi, what is the meaning of life?

YOUTH: Contradiction and the false feeling of freedom.

Bihexual: Whats the answer to last week's pop quiz? The last question?

YOUTH: It was option A. Don't worry, you got that one totally wrong.

Bihexual: Oh…

Narutomaki: Mr. Kakashi Sir ma'am magisty, how do I return a brother to the brother store?

YOUTH: *Majesty

YOUTH: Naruto no.

Narutomaki: :(

Big bird: What's the square root of 35?

YOUTH: According to Google its: 5.9160797831

Big bird: Thank you for helping me cheat on my classwork sir

YOUTH: GODDAMMIT CHILD

YOUTH: QUESTIONS ARE DONE NO MORE CHEATING YOU LITTLE BUTTS


	12. Shoe Lace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH

#Talk-shit-get-hit

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I just realized I'm still on invisible. Should... Should I stay? `ิ—´ิ

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Invisibility has so much power.  Am I online? Am I offline? Who the fuck knows.......

Flower child: You've been invisible for the past 3 months Shika

Leg power: YOU'VE BEEN INVISIBLE THIS WHOLE TIME!? I THOUGHT DISCORD WAS BROKEN WHAT--

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I am but a ghost

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  OooooooooooOOOOOoooOo

Leg power: I don’t even need an EVP reader to hear you!

Leg power: Astounding!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: That's because I'm possessing you

Leg power: Oh yeah? Then make me do a little jig!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: /Makes you do a happy jig/

Leg power:  DEAR LORD

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Asillylilhappyjig.jpg

Leg power:  Make it stop!!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  THE ONLY WAY IS TO CONSUME PRILOSEC

Leg power: W-what is that

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  [ https://youtu.be/l9Jblh5ssrw ](https://youtu.be/l9Jblh5ssrw)

Leg power: Oml

White Lightning: I am so confused

Leg power: NOT DAD, HELP ME IM SCARED

White Lightning: No

Leg power: NOT DAD WHY--

Flower child: If you call him ACTUAL DAD he might help

Leg power: THE COWARDS ARENT ENGAGED YET HE DOESNT DESERVE THE TITLE INO

Flower child: YOU ARE SO JUDGEMENTAL LEE

Leg power: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Flower child: /screams louder than you/

Leg power: Well fuck I've been beat

Flower child: Haha yes

White Lightning: Children why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Leg power)

Gaara: Hey

Leg power: Oh hey! I just stepped out to come visit you!

Gaara: Good

Gaara: I think we need to talk..

Leg power: Oh

Leg power: Okay

Leg power: Is something wrong?

Gaara: I would like to tell you in person actually

Gaara: Dad isn't home and Kankuro is napping and Temari is at practice

Gaara: We have privacy to have a serious talk

Gaara: As long as I lock Kankuro in his room that is

Leg power: Please don't lock your brother in his room again. The fire department scolded us both the last time You did. I have a fragile mind Gaara. I am a fragile person. U-U

Gaara: No promises

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @My fan is bigger than yours, @Puppetmaster)

Gaara: Are you sure this is okay Temmie?

My fan is bigger than yours: GG weve talked about this

My fan is bigger than yours: A break is the best thing while you process something new about yourself that you have difficulty dealing with or if you want change. Lee will understand.

Gaara: Are you sure though? I don't wanna hurt him…

Puppet master: All my relationships might have been fat failures, mostly on my part if I'm being honest, but I at least know now that communication is the best solution in any relationship. It'll be fine bro bro.

Gaara: If you say so Kanky…

Puppetmaster: Bitch I know so

Puppetmaster: Also please don't lock me in my room again

Puppetmaster: I haven't restocked my candy or snack stache yet

Gaara: No promises

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Narutomaki: KAKASHI HAS A FUCKING MINI TRAMPOLINE IN HIS LIVING ROOM SPECIFICALLY FOR HIS DOGS

Leg power: I could've told you that

Leg power: Wait why are you at my not dad's house?

Narutomaki: Reasons

Narutomaki: Anyway he said I could bounce on it so BYE

Leg power: Bull peed on it last week

Leg power: Naruto

Leg power: Naruto this is important

Leg power: NARUTO BULL PEED ON THE BABY TRAMPOLINE

Big bird: Its too late for him…

Ninenine: OH GOD HE WAS SO YOUNG

Big bird: Shouldn't of worn air pods… Poor boy...

Leg power: May he rest in peace ಡ᎔ಡ

Bihexual: Bitch deserved it

Ninenine: Naruto Uzumaki, death by trampoline pee….

White Lightning: I cleaned it

Leg power: HES TOO FAR GONE THERES NO WAY OF HELPING

White Lightning: But I cleaned it

Leg power: ITS TOO LATE

YOUTH: Son

Leg power: FATHER

Ninenine: T H E H O L Y S P I R I T

Big bird: Bread and wine and various cheeses

Narutomaki: WHY DIDNT YOU WARN ME BEFORE I WENT OFFLINE

Narutomaki: MY FAVORITE SOCKS TOUCHED THE PEEPOLINE

Big bird: Which ones?

Narutomaki: My avocado ones

Big bird: NOOOO THOSE WERE SO CUTE FUCK

White Lightning: Naruto is crying and it's all your faults

White Lightning: I'm not trained for this

Ninenine: I'm sorry to break this to you sir, but you teach children

Big bird: And they cry in your class everyday

White Lightning: Oh thank god I thought I was crying without realising again

Ninenine: MR. HATAKE KAKABITCH SIR WHAT

White Lighting: KAKA-WHAT NOW!?

Ninenine: YEETUS DELETUS

Growing up Creepie: There goes your fetus

White Lightning: What the actual—

Big bird: My little baby heart cannot contain this please stop yeet is such a dumb word but it makes me laugh so much

White Lightning: What the hell does "yeet" mean?

Big bird: It means "I'm youthful and spry"

White Lightning @YOUTH here's a new word for you go nuts

Big bird: Oh god

Big bird: What the FUCK did I just do!?

Ninenine: OH DEAR SHIT FUCK OF THE DOGS I CANNOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW PLEASE HURRY THE FUCK UP AND MAKE IT THURSDAY ALREADY

White Lightning: *GODS

Ninenine: DOGS ARE MY GODS DOGDAMMIT

White Lightning: Understandable

YOUTH: Yeet?

YOUTH: I've heard Lee yell that at Neji when they're playing morio builder

Big bird: *Mario maker

YOUTH: I know what I said and what I said was correct

Big bird: No…

Big bird: It really wasn't.

Ninenine: Help I'm crying--

Uno: Gai even I know it's Mario maker. The game where you dress up Mario in pretty dresses.

Big bird: I CANT TELL IF HES JOKING OR NOT OMFG--

Ninenine: OH DEAR DOG

Ninenine: I mean????? There's Super Mario Odyssey?????????? Fucking wedding dress Mario looking like a beautiful ass bride mmh! <3

Big bird: Would I look pretty in a wedding dress?

Ninenine: HELL YES BABY

Ninenine: QUICK COME OVER YOU MIGHT FIT MY GRANDMA'S WEDDING DRESS SHE'S OLD AND WON'T NOTICE

Big bird: SHE'S 84 AND HALF BLIND TENTEN

Ninenine: THAT'S THE EXACT REASON SHE WON'T NOTICE

Big bird: TENTEN NO--

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Hinata pinata)

Narutomaki: I'm a father

Hinata pinata: Wh

Hinata pinata: What?

Narutomaki: I'm a father

Narutomaki: I found a wounded baby bird in Kakashi's back yard and he said I could help him take care of it

Hinata pinata: :O

Narutomaki: Hinata help I'm a single father in 2019

Narutomaki: I don't have a job and I don't have enough money for bird seed!

Narutomaki: Hinata they're gonna take them from me!

Narutomaki: They're gonna take them for child neglect! Hinata help me!

Hinata pinata: Naruto please omg

Narutomaki: HINATAAAAAAA I DONT THINK I CAN DO THIS SHOULF I FIND HOT SINGLE MOMS OR DADS TO DATE!?

Hinata pinata: DreamDaddysexydadsona.jpg

Narutomaki: Oh

Narutomaki: Oh I love him

Hinata pinata: When's the wedding?

Narutomaki: Next week. Will you be my best man?

Hinata pinata: Yes

Narutomaki: Oh god oh no Hinata the engagement is off

Hinata pinata: Oh no what happened!?

Narutomaki: His daughter doesn't approve of my ramen pizza recipe ;-;

Hinata pinata: D:

Narutomaki: Brb installing tinder

Hinata pinata: I dare you to use the Grinch as your pfp

Narutomaki: OKAY NOW I HAVE TO ACTUALLY GET TINDER

Hinata pinata: NARUTO NO YOU ARENT 18 OR OLDER AJFBDJWKSKKA

Narutomaki: Fiiiiiine I'll make a facebook account and post random Grinch photos :(

Hinata pinata: :O

Narutomaki: What should I name it? The bird?

Hinata pinata: Neji

Narutomaki: But its a tiny borb

Narutomaki: Not a big borb

Hinata pinata: Uuuuuuuuuuh then how about Shoe Lace?

Narutomaki: YES

Narutomaki: My child,  Shoe Lace

Hinata pinata: Oh

Hinata pinata: Hey if you want I can be the mom

Narutomaki: :0

Narutomaki: Wait I can't tell if your hitting oon me or you just wanna meet Shoe Lace :d

Hinata pinata: UM THIS ISNT HINATA THIS IS HER SISTER HANABI YES HELLO NARUTO WNDNZKHWNSKZJKQLQOIDJF

Narutomaki: I know for a fact that your arent Hanabi. because Hanabi still refuses to spell my name right

Narutomaki: "Narutoe" "Nootruto" "Toebeanjoe" "Nart" "Nerfornothing" "Narotu" "Neat" "Nartholomew"

Narutomaki: I'm sure she has more which makes me wanna know tbh

Narutomaki: Hinata?

Narutomaki: Pssst

Narutomaki: You dead or…?

Narutomaki: Hinata please your silence is scaring me

Narutomaki: Lonely, I'm so lonely

Narutomaki: Did you know pineapples are eating you as you eat them? Isn't that fucking wild? Like holy shit bro

Narutomaki: Pineapples are metal as fuck

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Narutomaki: Pineapples are metal as fuck

Uno: Language

Narutomaki: Ananas sind verdammt metallisch

Uno: What?

Narutomaki: You said language

Munchlax: Is that Russian?

Narutomaki: German you uncultured swine

Munchlax: o

White Lightning: But pineapples are fruit Naruto

Narutomaki: Is that the start of an argument old man!?!?!?

White Lightning: No

White Lightning: It is not

Munchlax: He means they're fucking awesome

Narutomaki: Like extra awesome

Bihexual: Pineapples hurt

Munchlax: They are the pufferfish of the fruit world

Bihexual: Woah

White Lightning: Naruto if I walk into that patio and smell weed I'm calling the police and telling them to lock you up

YOUTH: Why are you so hard to all these kids?

YOUTH: You regularly smoked when you were about their age

White Lighting: Okay don't out me like this also it was only two times

White Lighting: I had a bad experience the second timeand that's all that needs to be said

Narutomaki: Old men

Munchlax: Very old men

Bihexual: So old you can date their wrinkles back to the stone age

Narutomaki: SAKURA OH DEAR LORD

Bihexual:  IT NEEDED TO BE SAID DAMMIT

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Narutomaki)

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Okay dude what's going on?

Narutomaki: Wdym :?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Sauce man hasn't been online in weeks, he's been pretty distant and quiet at school, I saw him skip the other day and just hide in the bathroom, neither of you guys are even talking when Iruka takes you guys home, and finally I saw Sasuke at the bus station buying a ticket

Narutomaki: Wait what!?

Narutomaki: Goddammit I'll brb I need to call Iruka

Narutomaki: Wait how did you even see him???

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Me and mom were coming back from the grocery store and passed by the station. I saw him at the booth. Now what exactly is going on here Naruto?

Narutomaki: Some

Narutomaki: Stuff

Narutomaki: I'll explain later

Narutomaki: Or you can text Sakura later, not now since she's with Ino(trust me she'll kill you for interrupting their date)

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Don't tell me Sasuke is trying to run away though…

Narutomaki: Idk

Narutomaki: We've been away from each other for a couple days now

Narutomaki: He's with Iruka(or was), Itachi moved to Pervy's while he's still apartment and 2nd job hunting, and Kakashi offered for me to stay here until Sasuke calmed down from the other day

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Wait so something happened? Is that why you've been limping?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Naruto?

Narutomaki: Uh yeah I have to go I'll ttyl dude

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Okay but keep me updated bro

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I may not like the guy too much but he is technically your family in a way and I know you and Sakura care about him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't get to the part I wanted to and its only because its cold as fuck here and I have no heat or insulation so I'm like trying not keep my hand from under the covers so much lmao. I'm determined to put Sai in this by the next update and focus on GaaLee for a couple updates.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	13. Short chapter, oopsie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno

(Direct message @Leg power)

Ninenine: Hey Lee?? You haven't been online since yesterday evening.

Ninenine: You okay?

Ninenine: Lee?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Munchlax: THE FUCK IS THIS I HEAR ABOUT SAUCE MAN RUNNING AWAY!?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I didn't tell him I swear

Bihexual: Wait what

Growing up Creepie: I thought I was gonna be the one to run away first

Munchlax: Iruka posted it on fb like 20 mins ago and its got my dad freaking out because he's still very delirious from not having coffee yet. My mom is just talking in her sleep lmao

Hinata pinata: Is this why Naruto called me at 2 in the morning crying?

Furry in a hurry: Oh he called you too?

Furry in a hurry: You know I actually did smexy sounds to make him hang up

Furry in a hurry: It was very effective and I think he blocked me

Bihexual: Call me now and do the smexy sounds I'm eating breakfast with my parents lmao

Growing up Creepie: Okay but back to the missing emo disaster

Growing up Creepie: The fuck is up with that???? This real??????

Hinata pinata: Apparently so

Hinata pinata: But I guess the police aren't treating this as a missing person case right now :/

Munchlax: I'll make them go find him >:|

Uno: Kids it's alright, just don't worry about it. We adults have this covered and we'll find Sasuke, okay?

Bihexual: Prove it you pig

Uno: I'm not a pig…

Munchlax: Oh shit you hurt his feelings you cow

Bihexual: Correction: I am a llama

Bihexual: Also idc because of that homework he gave out Monday >:(

Uno: It was a review packet that doesn't go towards your grade! And it's due next week because of the test!

Bihexual: And its fricking hard

Munchlax: I threw mine away because my dad spilled coffee on it and I just don't care lmao

Uno: I'm bringing this up in your teacher parent conference

Munchlax: Eh mom and dad dont care as long as I'm not committing murder, doing drugs, robbing a bank, or committing tax evasion

Bihexual: Why would you commit tax evasion?

Munchlax: I declared it when I was 6 I didn't even know what that meant back then but dad still holds it against me

Munchlax: He said if I grow up to do that he'll back hand me with a fish

Munchlax: Of course he was very stressed from work when he said that so don't ask me what that means

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Pervy-sage-updates

Flower child: Naruto hasn't been updating us so I'll fill in the blanks since I just met him today

Flower child: Mr. Pervy sir came to the shop with Naruto and Iruka really early this morning(like 6:30 early) to ask my dad a thing or whatever. Well Mr. Pervy just couldn't concentrate half way through and he bought flowers. I don't understand why but omg was he acting very awkward and soft.

Growing up Creepie: What kind of flowers?

Flower child: Just an assortment of various roses really

Flower child: Why?

Growing up Creepie: Ms. Senju just walked in with flowers

Flower child: :0

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Big bird: I saw the new kid, why is no one making a fuss over him???

Bihexual: He called Ino Ms. Beautiful and me Ugly and I have the instincts to kill but Kakashi said no

Flower child: I told him I'm lesbian and he said nothing and then all of a sudden Shikamakru yells "I thought you were Japanese!?" and now I'm in the nurse's office because I stabbed myself with my pencil while laughing

Bihexual: It was funny lmao

Furry in a hurry: Should we add him?? I talked to him for a short while in the lunch line. He's kinda cool from what I got to hear.

Growing up Creepie: I volunteer to intrude on his privacy to see if he has discord

Flower child: Of course you would Shino

White Lightning: Children

Big bird: Bitch

White Lightning: I'm going to disregard that

Big bird: Good

Ninenine: You savage savage fool

White Lighting: Get off the bell is about to ring in 3 minutes and you kids always come late because of this

Neji: No I'm in study hall next

Neji: We're allowed to use them

Nine nine: Fuck yeah

White Lightning: Sure but don't walk and text child

Growing up Creepie: He's downloading the app now

Growing up Creepie: He's confused but curious

Growing up Creepie: Also he guessed I was a boy from off the bat B')

Ninenine: !!!!

Growing up Creepie: I'm legit trying not to cry if I'm being honest right now

White Lightning: The bell rang

Ninenine: No

Big bird: Fuck off

Big bird: I've been feeling bold and confident ad of late….

White Lightning: While I am proud of you for feeling better please don't curse at me :(

Big bird: Fuck off

Growing up Creepie: He's making his account now

Furry in a hurry: FUCK

Ninenine: ??

Furry in a hurry: Oh no I just wanted to reinsert myself into the conversation

Ninenine: Pfff okay dood

**Mspaint tool Sai joined. Stay a while and listen!**

Mspaint tool Sai: Hello. My name is Sai if you did not know.

Ninenine: Hello Sai! Im Tenten!

White Lighting: I thought you were Ninenine

Ninenine: Shut up please 🙃

Munchlax: I thought you were Japanese

Ninenine: I mean yeah

Ninenine: I'm also half Chinese so suck it ya buttfart

Munchlax: You are clearly the superior one here, having two national backgrounds and all :0

Ninenine: Hell ye bow to me ya shit

Mspaint tool Sai: I am confused.

Munchlax:  _ He fits in already _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Leg power)

Big bird: Lee please answer us

Big bird: We've been worried all day and you've even been sitting away from us

Big bird: Did we do something? Get you in trouble because we smoke sometimes?

Big bird: Lee I'll stop it if you'd like, and I can find Tenten a new hobby to relax

Big bird: Lee please

Leg power: Sorry

Leg power: I have just been thinking

Big bird: Can I ask of what?

Big bird: Did something bad happen Lee?

Big bird: Lee?

Big bird: Please tell me you aren't thinking anything bad

Leg power: Gaara

Big bird: What?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Bihexual)

Narutomaki: He left town…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, Dolly Parton came to town for the parade and start of the Dollywood Christmas season/lights and she brought a whole army of traffic. Made wifi act up and towers were overloading from so many tourists. Things were better today(Sunday) but I ended up binging Shippuden and crying over Asuma the whole day. Also, no update Wednesday because I might be busy and I'm also working on Kakagai week(the writing portion, I am also drawing for certain days). Either updates will be Saturday until I'm done or it will be back to Wednesday and Saturday.  
Anyway, enough babbling! Thanks for reading and sorry for the shorter chapter!


	14. Drunk old men the series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno
> 
> Sai- Mspaint tool Sai

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Growing up Creepie: Ny eyrs afe dualated

Flower child: Really? I couldn't tell

Hinata pinata: How could you read that??

Flower child: My dad drunk texts me(and mom in our unfortunate family chat) so I'm well versed in jumbled texts :v

Furry in a hurry: Wait why are your eyes dilated?

Flower child: I doubt he can read anything right now Kiba

Growing up Creepie: Becausr eye prinlales rujn im my family and nit jusy thw light sebsutuubyty 😍😘👆

Flower child: Who is reading this for you?

Growing up Creepie: My dag dih

Furry in a hurry: Hello mr aburame sir!

Mspaint tool Sai: Why is the bug boy talking gibberish?

Flower child: Because why not

Growing up Creepie: Fuaj yeaj

Hinata pinata: "yeaj" kinda reminds me of ikea furniture names ngl

Furry in a hurry: But how?

Hinata pinata: I have no idea but ikea just registered in my mind when I read it

Furry in a hurry: Now featuring the new book shelf that everyone will instead accidentally make a nightstand:  _ Fuajyeaj! _

Narutomaki: The chat is popping >o>

Mspaint tool Sai: What?

Narutomaki: Shush

Growing up Creepie: Mu faf put like - paites od glawwew om ke and idl how ro feel

Narutomaki:  _ \- could mean anything and I'm freaking the fuck out _

Hinata pinata: Oh shit

White Lightning: I know you're at an eye appointment and all but your spelling is scaring me child

Puppetmaster: @Everyone is a bitch,  _ especially _ me

Hinata pinata: Same

Narutomaki: Hinata no

Furry in a hurry: HINATA YOUR A QUEEN YOU BEAUTIFUL SLUT

Hinata pinata: GASP I have gained the title of beautiful slut, what do now???

Furry in a hurry: Go to Olive Garden and only eat the bread sticks

Hinata pinata: :0

Hinata pinata: Okay I'll do it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

Bihexual: Kakashi is an ass

Flower child: Preach it honey

Mspaint tool Sai: Why are you always insulting Hatake-sensei? And disrespecting him?

Flower child: You do it too

Mspaint tool Sai: I do? I am sorry, I have been told I am not the most competent in social situations.

Flower child: Oh no I wasn't poking fun or being mean! I was just saying you do it too! Sorry if I made you feel bad 😖😵❤️💞

Bihexual: Do you mind me asking something later, Sai? In person anyway. I think it'd be too rude to ask over this, especially since it's really a personal topic and all.

Mspaint tool Sai: If you are wondering if I am autistic, then yes I am. I am not ashamed— or perhaps afraid?— of admitting it or letting others know. It is merely who I am.

Mspaint tool Sai: Although, I apologize if my behavior has upset anyone in particular. I am still learning how to interact in a public school environment as I have been homeschooled since my school career had begun.

Bihexual: Oh! Yeah that honestly was what I was going to ask. I've volunteered at the hospital and met younger autistic kids and I guess I just saw signs from you? I wanted to know, if you wanted me to that is, in case you needed someone to vent to or ask for help since the teachers might not be trained or familiar with autism. I actually took some "classes" to help the disabled and how to utilize different teaching styles for them to accommodate to their needs.

Mspaint tool Sai: Oh

Mspaint tool Sai: Would you be able to assist me in learning how to socialize then? I am afraid I am doing it wrong.

Bihexual: Of course! But I don't think your doing it wrong (´･ω･｀)

Mspaint tool Sai: Does this mean we are friends now?

Bihexual: Uh HELL YEAH

Flower child: Every lesbian can make friends in an instant, that's just science bro

Munchlax: How did this go from Kakashi being an ass to something so pure that its hurting my sweet tooth??

Furry in a hurry: Oh look at that I have diabetes now

Bihexual: @White Lightning can party in heck. He's a VIP with Satan himself.

Flower child:  _ Sakura no oml-- _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Gaara)

Puppetmaster: Brother

Puppetmaster: Brother answer me you slut

Puppetmaster: Temari is ignoring me as per usual

Puppetmaster: Bitch

Puppetmaster: You fucking cow

Puppetmaster: BABY BROTHER

Gaara: I WAS STALKING DAD'S ASSISTANT

Puppetmaster: Still scared he's a murderer? Concerned for dad's safety?

Gaara: Oh no I'm concerned for mine own safety after what his assistant said last week. Fuck dad's wellbeing.

Puppetmaster: Oh nice bro

Gaara: What'd you need Kanky? I need to get back to procrastinating

Gaara: I mean studying

Puppetmaster: Kiba invited me over to hang out and well Lee is here and I think it's time you guys talked again

Gaara: You think so?

Puppetmaster: Yeah. I talked to him to see how he was doing, you know make sure things were fine and all, and he says he thinks it's over between you guys. Which I KNOW isn't true.

Puppetmaster: Gaara did you even tell him  _ exactly _ what was wrong? I don't mean to fuss GG, I'm just trying to look out for you.

Gaara: I only told him my anti depressants were changed and I wasn't having a good experience with the change. I mean its better now but…

Puppetmaster: You left out how you wanted to finally be closer, didn't you?

Gaara: I'm sorry..

Puppetmaster: Don't apologize brobro. I think you need to clear things up better though. I'll ask Kiba if its fine with you coming over, what with three others besides me and Lee here and all. Or I call you, put Lee on the phone, and you can say meet him wherever or talk on there.

Gaara: Could I just

Gaara: Idk

Gaara: Text him?

Gaara: I don't want him to see me cry, these stupid pills are messing with me Kanky.

Puppetmaster: If Lee is comfortable with just texting important stuff I guess. I'll go tell him your about to text him, kay?

Gaara: Okay. Thank you Kankuro.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Leg power)

Gaara: Hey Lee.

Leg power: Hey Gaara! Kankuro tells me you have something to talk to me about? Are things okay or…?

Gaara: I need to clarify things. I wasn't completely truthful those couple weeks ago.

Leg power: Okay

Gaara: I am having trouble with my depression and medicine switch isn't making it any better, yes. But I also have been thinking about our relationship and how it stands.

Gaara: What I failed to say was I wanted change to happen.

Leg power: Like how exactly? What type of change if I may ask?

Gaara: I want us to be

Gaara: Um

Leg power: You can tell me Gaara, I will understand :)

Gaara: I want us to be more intimate

Gaara: Like holding hands and cuddling that is! Not in  **that** way!!

Leg power: Oh

Gaara: Oh?

Leg power: Well of course. I would like that too. Are you perhaps feeling better about yourself?

Gaara: Actually I am and I think I am ready to be closer to you.

Gaara: Maybe…

Gaara: Cuddle more? Hold hands without me pulling away or having sweaty palms? I'm sorry this is embarrassing

Leg power: No its fine! I'm proud of you Gaara! Your confidence has seemed to of approved greatly!

Gaara: Ty Lee

Gaara: Also um…

Gaara: I would like to finally share our first kiss…

Gaara: If you would like to that is.

Leg power: Of course, as long as you are comfortable!

Gaara: I love you Rocky

Leg power: I love you too Sandy ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Ninenine, @Big bird)

Leg power: JSBSJDBDBNFBGLVKVNALAEMFJCNC I LOVEM GARTA SO MU C HJ

Ninenine: Dude woah okay don't be gay over my damn salad bro, disgusting

Ninenine: I am fuckin eating here

Big bird: Tenten, why can't you freak out over loving me like Lee freaks out over loving Gaara?

Ninenine: Because I'm the romantic equivalent to Walt Disney's current state of existence

Big bird: He's dead

Ninenine: Exactly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-bunker

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: @here anyone hear any news from the search parties? Mom isn't telling me shit

Munchlax: I could bribe my mom with jewelry or my dad with KFC and theyd talk

Narutomaki: I tried asking Iruka but he immediately changed the subject by asking about the dance and the field trip

Leg power: Hold on dad and Kakashi are having one of their drinking challenges. Just a couple more shots and both will be drunk and unable to keep secrets.

Munchlax: Wow so responsible

Hinata pinata: Do you think Kakashi can drive me to the mall when he's done?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  _ Hinata no _

Hinata pinata:  ** _Hinata yes_ **

Leg power: Kakashi says "Oh yeah the emo kid! We got word of sights of seeing him three towns over! At like a shelter or some shit, yeah he's fucking homeless. Poor kid." this is word for word but be thankful I left out the split moments he flirted with dad.

Narutomaki: Oh what else?

Leg power: Oh no yeah I refuse to go back downstairs now >>

Leg power: They brought out scrabble to play drunk scrabble and that either turns into Kakashi stealing all the pieces and shoving them in his pockets, dad falling asleep, or both throwing pieces st each other ಠ_ಠ

Narutomaki: Old drunk men being stupid should be a TV show

Leg power: No. It really shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit had my eyes half dialated when I started writing this lmao
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Irukaisabitch.jpg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno
> 
> Sai- Mspaint tool Sai

#The-Bunker

My fan is bigger than yours: Fuck

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Shit

Flower child: Dammit

Mspaint tool Sai: Ass?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  _ Oh _

Flower child: Ass is always good

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff:  ** _Ino--_ **

Flower child: What!? They're good farm animals! Don't @ me >-<

Mspaint tool Sai: You mean donkeys?

Flower child: Donkeh.gif

Mspaint tool Sai: Oh! I hated that movie!

My fan is bigger than yours: >:O

My fan is bigger than yours: How dare you!

Mspaint tool Sai: The dragon scared me when I wa younger

My fan is bigger than yours: She scared @Puppetmaster too, don't worry

Puppetmaster: Fuck you

Munchlax: Hey we should get Kakashu and Gai to get like gay married already

Munchlax: Cuz I'm at Lee's stealing all his food and we both walk into the living room seeing them eye smooching

Leg power: I am successfully traumatized!

Flower child: :00000

Flower child: The dance is in like half a week right??

Leg power: I will still be traumatized at that point, but yes

Flower child: Let's take them to Vegas and get them hitched

Munchlax: What does the school dance have to do with vegas and gay hitching??

Flower child: On no I just asked because dad wanted to make sure to close the shop on a non busy day in order to drop me off :d also because we need to know the exact time to leave and be back in time for the dance.

Flower child: Anyway, let's kidnap two old men and get them hitched!

Uno: That sounds illegal

My fan is bigger than yours:  _ Anythings legal when there's no cops around (¬ω¬) _

Munchlax: OH GOD ITS AN ADULT WHATS HE DOING IN HERE!?

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: SHIT I FORGOT TO KEEP HIM FROM THIS CHANNEL

Uno: Language

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: READ MY USERNAME

Leg power: My trauma has been exceeded by new trauma:  _ a teacher in the channel _

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: HOW TF DO I KICK HIM???? SHINO AND KIBA DO THIS SHIT IM A HORRIBLE MOD

Munchlax: @Furry in a hurry @Growing up Creepie DO THE SHIT

Uno: What are you freaking out for so much? I'm just a person.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: IT SPEAKS

Uno: Child.

My fan is bigger than yours: IT KNOWS OUR STATUS OF HUMAN AGE

Leg power: Guys this is scaring me ;-;

Leg power: I am going to have nightmares for weeks now

Furry in a hurry: /crashes down from a thirty story building/ IT IS I, A GAY  **AND** A FURRY

Munchlax: :000  _ the full experience _

Furry in a hurry: So why was I @'ed??

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: @Uno idk how to take him out and I'm too lazy to google it

My fan is bigger than yours:  You take him out with a rifle

Furry in a hurry: Aight, say your final goodbyes Iruka sir

Uno: Okay bye kids! Have a nice rest of the night! :)

Furry in a hurry: Now back to my regularly scheduled gay panic…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Talk-shit-get-hit

Uno: @YOUTH @White Lightning I just learned how to at people on here!

YOUTH: Oh!

Uno: The kids want you guys to be married already

White Lighting: Tough shit

White Lightning: I'm going to wait until we're 80 and in old people diapers to propose

YOUTH: Not if I have anything to say about it

Bihexual: OH NO THEY'VE EVOLVED THEY CAN @ PEOPLE NOW

Ninenine: THE WORLD IS DOOMED

Narutomaki: FAK

Gaara: Can we teach them other things?

Bihexual: Like what?

Gaara: Idk whatever will embarrass Lee and Naruto the most

Bihexual: Brb breaking my rules to not DM the teachers to avoid them thinking I'm their friend--

White Lightning: We are here you know

Narutomaki: Why do you guys like to torture us??? @Leg power our lives on this server are fucked bro

Leg power: /leaves the server/

Narutomaki: But you didn't

Leg power:  My only genuine friends are here I am not actually going to leave

Narutomaki: Haha… Mood :')

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Narutomaki)

Hinata pinata: Psst

Hinata pinata: >>

Hinata pinata: <<

Hinata pinata: Send the pics

Narutomaki: I gotchu girl

Narutomaki: Shoelaceisbest.jpg

Hinata pinata: Mf cutie, pleasure doing business with you sir /tips hat gratefully/

Narutomaki: The pleasure is all mine 😎😗

Hinata pinata: :0

Hinata pinata: Oh btw I can't come over tonight :(

Hinata pinata: Dad is getting us ready for that charity thing tomorrow, trying to make sure Hanabi and Neji don't sneak candy in their clothes

Narutomaki: Your gonna sneak candy in your bra aren't you Hinata?

Hinata pinata: …

Hinata pinata: Goddammit

Narutomaki:  _ Your so predictable bro _

Hinata pinata: :V

Hinata pinata: Looks like im bringing a purse and putting candy in there then >.>

Hinata pinata: No one will be the wiser ~(oOo)~

Narutomaki: Lmao

Hinata pinata: Say Naruto?

Narutomaki:  **Naruto.**

Hinata pinata:  _ Oml-- _

Narutomaki:  _ YOU SAID SAY IT SO I SAID IT _

Narutomaki: :B

Hinata pinata: Narutooooooooo I have a questionnnnnn

Narutomaki: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHGOAHEADANDASKYOUABSOLUTEMOUSIE

Hinata pinata:  _ Mousie _

Hinata pinata: Anyway I was gonna ask tonight but since dad said "fuck no" I'm gonna ask now and resist the urge to puke

Hinata pinata:  _ Will you go the dance with me Naruto???? _

Narutomaki: Okay

Hinata pinata: Really???

Narutomaki: Yes >///>

Hinata pinata: ^///^

Narutomaki: Bro dude apparently I'm smiling super big and Iruka finds that disturbing

Narutomaki:  _ Quick make me smile more-- _

Hinata pinata: Kfhdhydbdjdjsjsnerjhfhfkqlks you have no idea how happy I am and how big  **I'm** smiling rn >/////<

Narutomaki: Send pics you coward!!!

Narutomaki: Irukaisabitch.jpg

Hinata pinata: Mysisterphotobombed.jpg

Narutomaki: You should put your hair up in a bun more often :0

Hinata pinata: Really?

Narutomaki: Yeah! You look cute with it down sure but yo you have pretty eyes

Hinata pinata: O

Narutomaki: Ye

Narutomaki: Hinata?

Narutomaki: I'm scared did the vampire king come get you? DON'T GO IN THE LIGHT YOU MIGHT BURN UP OR GLOW

Narutomaki: Hinata?

Narutomaki: I'm gonna leave a gif of a monkey being cute for when your back

Narutomaki: Babymonkey.jpg

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Furry in a hurry, @Growing up Creepie)

Hinata pinata: HDHBTFBDHGJDUQBJSJDOIRBFNCYDBKXHDM

Growing up Creepie: Oh

Furry in a hurry: Hinata is broken wtf

Growing up Creepie: I'll go get the manual

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Pervy-sage-updates

Narutomaki: I snuck into Pervy's house because I saw him carrying in cookies earlier

Bihexual: That's illegal

Narutomaki: The cookies or breaking and entering?

Bihexual: .-.

Narutomaki: Don't worry he knows I'm here

Bihexual: Srsly?

Narutomaki: I was trying to pick the back door lock and I guess he heard me so he just let me in

Bihexual: That's not breaking and entering then

Narutomaki:  **It is to me**

Big bird: How old is Mr. Pervy?

Narutomaki: Idfk like 80? Maybe 200.

Big bird: Let's add the old man to this

Bihexual: :00000000

Narutomaki: BRB GONNA TEACH AN OLD MAN HOW TO USE HIS SMARTPHONE

Uno: Narto its 9:30 and I'm about to lock the door and leave you out

Narutomaki: Pervy has a guest bedroom and hot pockets so BYE

Bihexual:  _ Narto _

Big bird: Its not Naruto anymore, its  **Narto**

Bihexual: Pffft his ultimate form

Big bird: Naruto? I'm sorry, I have only heard of a Narto.

Bihexual: Narto Uwuzuma

Big bird:  This is cursed now thanks

Bihexual: Your welcome ( ᯣωᯣ )

Uno: It was a typo, kids please...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because of the bad weather tomorrow >>
> 
> Thanks for reading tho!


	16. There can only be one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno
> 
> Sai- Mspaint tool Sai

#Pervy-sage-updates

Narutomaki: I'm gonna shit myself cry-laughing

Furry in a hurry: Why?

Narutomaki: I'm squeezing in some "teach the old man how to use his phone and continue to delete the weird facebook game apps he installed on accident" time before the dance and Pervy keeps texting this random person thinking its Iruka but i don't have the heart to tell him it's actually @Gaara because he's excited he's actually texting someone properly

Gaara: I'm sending him memes about cats

Furry in a hurry: Okay but how did he get Gaara's number???

Narutomaki: My phone lmao

Gaara: It's actually fun and good time killer

Gaara: I'm waiting for Lee but god its fun making an old man happy ngl

Narutomaki: He says he feels accomplished

Narutomaki: 3 days of teaching this fart and its paying off lmao

Furry in a hurry: Add him already them

Narutomaki: Should I? We did set up his account yesterday and I'm still teaching him how to use it..

Gaara: Did you teach him how to send photos? Because he's got some wonderful pictures of this random snail in his vegetable garden

Gaara: The snail should be shared with the world Naruto

Narutomaki: Oh yeah that's Mr. WB!! I named him :)

Furry in a hurry: Whats WB stand for?

Narutomaki: Nothing

Narutomaki: I just said two random letters and decided that's his name

Furry in a hurry: Beautiful

Gaara: Well Mr. WB deserves an Oscar

Furry in a hurry: But he isn't in any movie

Gaara: I'll be honest I don't know what Oscars are awarded for

Gaara: My family runs a flower shop not a movie maker place

Gaara: I am sheltered okay!?

Narutomaki: /pats/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Narutomaki)

Bihexual: Any news? Other than last night's anyway.

Narutomaki: No but Yamaten is heading out to see if he's still there…

Bihexual: Yamaten?

Narutomaki: Yamato-Tenzo?? Ya know, the teacher with two names who won't tell us his last name because he's a coward???

Narutomaki: Sexually attracted to plants??

Bihexual: Oh right right

Bihexual: So… He might be able to get Sasuke back tonight?

Narutomaki: If he's still at that shelter yeah

Narutomaki: I managed to talk to some of the officers and they told me there's not much they can do since he's in the city already. But they did pull in some favors and the cops there are looking out for him so that's good at least…

Bihexual: I wish I could do something..

Narutomaki: Same..

Bihexual: Hold on wait

Bihexual: They pinged his phone right?

Narutomaki: Yeah that's how they've been tracking where he goes outside on this town(but couldn't do anything because its out of jurisdiction or some shit)

Bihexual: That means he still has it! Uuuuugh why didn't we think of actually calling him!???!??

Narutomaki: We are dumbasses

Bihexual: Well you are, I'm just a dummy

Narutomaki: True

Narutomaki: We can do this later tho. I have to go pick up Hinata before her dad beats my ass for being late

Bihexual: ÕuÕ

Narutomaki: STOP >//////<

Bihexual: Okay okay lmao I gotta go too, I'm meeting Ino at the school

Narutomaki: Be gay, do crimes

Bihexual: I will my friend, I will UwU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Kakashi-sucks

White Lightning: Before you kids make fun of me for what I'm wearing

White Lightning: 20191124_233407.jpg

White Lightning: This is my father's suit dammit

YOUTH: And you look very handsome

Furry in a hurry: I can't tell if your wearing a turtleneck underneath or if your wearing a scarf….

White Lightning: None of your business

Furry in a hurry: Okay :')

Furry in a hurry: Say you gays are old and wise right?

YOUTH: Not old and barely wise, I am gay though thanks for asking

White Lightning: I'm bi so clearly I am the superior race

Furry in a hurry: Anyway, how do I ask my crust out

YOUTH: Well you see you put it in the oven and wait for it to bake

Furry in a hurry: WAIT NO FRICK

Furry in a hurry: *crush

Furry in a hurry: I MEANT CRUSH

YOUTH: And then you let it cool for a few minutes

YOUTH: After that, you ask

Furry in a hurry: I hate this

White Lightning: Just ask em

White Lightning: Its as easy as that

Furry in a hurry: You gays mind if I ask how you got together? I've never successfully asked anyone out befor and I don't have a fatherly buttface to ask about this shart.  <strike> Kinda look up to you gays tbh </strike>

YOUTH: I believe it was my 20th birthday

White Lightning: It was and boy did we have a stomach ache from all the chocolate we ate…

Furry in hurry: ??

White Lightning: Nothing

White Lightning: Anyway, we were both on my old apartment's balcony, eating a whole bag of mini chocolate bars together, watching the fireworks go off, and…. Gai asked me out

Furry in a hurry: Just like that?

YOUTH: Do not get me wrong young one, I was nervous as can be

YOUTH: I was asking my childhood love out after all

White Lightning: Stop emotions scare me

Furry in a hurry: He literally gagged and hissed when Ino and Sakura yelled "I love you" across the lunch room lmao

White Lightning: Don't call me out

YOUTH: As I was saying; just do it

YOUTH: The results may surprise you youngin

White Lightning: Oh my god I can't believe you just said youngin

YOUTH: What?? What's wrong with that?

White Lightning: My dad used to call me youngin! He wore suspenders and loafers when he was off duty! He was spiritually an old man!

Furry in a hurry: My grandpa calls me and my sister youngin

YOUTH: But???

YOUTH: So???

White Lightning: Oh lord I'm going to marry an old man…

Furry in a hurry: I'll pray for you sir

White Lighting: Thank you son

Furry in a hurry: :00

Furry in a hurry:  _ Father _

White Lighting: What

Furry in a hurry:  _ I have a dad now _

White Lighting: What?????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#talk-shit-get-hit

Furry in a hurry: I have a dad now!!!!

White Lightning: I didn't sign up for this???????

Leg power: What?

Growing up Creepie: I'm lonely

My fan is bigger than yours: Mood

Growing up Creepie: My date tonight is a bottle of red sunny d and a bologna sandwich

My fan is bigger than yours: Sunny D I understand but a bologna sandwich??? why??

Growing up Creepie: BECAUSE MY DAD MADE IT AND HE LOVES ME AND I LOVE HIM AND SKDJSJAKIBXBDJSMALMWNF I HAVE A GREAT D AD

Furry in a hurry: Its okay guys he gets emotional about his dad when he randomly makes him food and didn't ask

Growing up Creepie: HES A GREAT DAD AJCBXHHDBDJK SKSNU WNNZI

My fan is bigger than yours: Can't say I feel the same way about my dad lmao

Furry in a hurry: Are you okay?

My fan is bigger than yours: @Gaara @Puppetmaster am I okay?

Gaara: Oh are we talking daddy issues? Because I have that.

Puppetmaster: Oh daddy~ ;)

Puppetmaster: I'm sorry I hate myself

Puppetmaster: Ignore me I'm just gonna go drown in pudding cups lmfao

Gaara: You are a disappointment

Puppetmaster: Thanks for reminding me I completely forgot brobro

Gaara: Yw

My fan is bigger than yours: Gaara pls he's already self deprecating enough don't encourage him

Gaara: Kanky is a bitch

Puppetmaster: Uh hello you're just stating my day job you loser

Gaara: Oh yea sorry I mean man bun extraordinaire

Puppetmaster: HOW DID YOU KNOW I SECRETLY WANTED A MAN BUN

My fan is bigger than yours: WE READ YOUR DIARY YOU LOSER

Puppetmaster: FUCK

Furry in a hurry: This is wonderful

Growing up Creepie: Do you ever act like this with your sister?

Furry in a hurry: Not really

Furry in a hurry: We kinda just throw shit at each other or call each other harmless names like mustard breath

My fan is bigger than yours: Thanks for giving me ideas Kiba

Furry in a hurry: O

Puppetmaster: DAH SHIT SHE GOT UP AND SHES GOING TO THE KITCHEN SHIT ASS TITTIE FUCK BROS IMMA  **D I E**

Gaara: This is why mother was disappointed in you

Puppetmaster: uh yeah I know brobro

Gaara: I wonder why she was disappointed in me…

Puppetmaster: Your her favorite dumbdumb

Puppetmaster: She told me so in my dream

Puppetmaster: WTF SHES BLENDING MUSTARD AND MAYO TOGETHER

Gaara: I dare you to drink it

Puppetmaster: …

Puppetmaster: Okay

Furry in hurry: Kankuro noooo--

Puppetmaster:  _ Kankuro yesss-- _

White Lightning: Kiba I can see you walking and texting stop that

Furry in a hurry: K dad

White Lightning: I'm not your father

Furry in a hurry: Suuuure you are ;)

White Lightning: I call everyone son, even Sakura

White Lightning: Please I don't want kids

Furry in a hurry: @Leg power

White Lighting: Wait no that's not what I meant!

Leg power: Well then

Leg power: I can see when I'm not wanted

Leg power: /takes a fedora off the hat rack and dramatically walks out/

White Lightning: What

Leg power: /hitchhikes for a ride/

White Lightning: What is happening

Furry in a hurry: This is why Lee used to be my roleplay partner lmao

Furry in a hurry: His shit barely made sense but that was the fun of it

Leg power: /gets into a trucker's truck, he lets me honk the horn because that's been my dream/

Furry in a hurry: /the trucker takes his hat off and holy shit its me Kiba/

Leg power: /hugs Kiba because it's been 20 years since anyone has seen him/

White Lightning: I am so confused

Furry in a hurry: /takes Lee's hand in his own, using his free hand to brush through his hair/

Furry in a furry: "Bro…"

Leg power: /starts to tear up/

Leg power: "Bro…."

Puppetmaster: I just got back from drinking the worst condiment smoothie ever so what the fresh fuck is happening??

Furry in a hurry: "Its been so long bro…"

Leg power: "I know bro…"

Hinata pinata: /comes out from the back of the truck with a nerf gun/

Hinata pinata: "I'm sorry Lee," /points the nerf gun at Lee/ "But Kiba has a new bro."

Leg power: "AH SHIT FUCK THIS--" /opens the door and falls out of the moving truck/

Furry in a hurry: "LEE NO! YOU WERE MY BEST BRO, BRO!"

Furry in a hurry: "Hinata whyyyyyy???"

Hinata pinata:  ** _"There can only be one."_ **

Puppetmaster: Well this fucking eSCALATED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early update because Saturday is supposed to be fucked weather wise and WiFi isn't working anyway so I'm pretty surprised I'm able to even load this page lmao. But hey! Thanks for reading!


	17. I almost forgot about being busy for three days so enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Gaara
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno
> 
> Sai- Mspaint tool Sai

#talk-shit-get-hit

Narutomaki: This party sucks

Bihexual: Just like Kakashi

Narutomaki: Trueeee

Uno: Put your phone away Naruto

Narutomaki: Nooooo me and Hinata and Choji are playing uno on them

Uno: I paid for your ticket you know so please dance at least once

Narutomaki: No

Uno: Well I tried

Hinata pinata: Oh there's a slow song playing now :o

Bihexual: HNNNNNNN @Flower child PLEASE HURRY IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SLOW DANCE

Flower child: mh hait os stivk ov ny dreas

Bihexual: I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU

Leg power: Aren't you guys gonna slow dance too?

Hinata pinata: Not really

Narutomaki: Neither of us are really into dancing. We both planned to just hang around Choji to make sure doesn't get indigestion from lonely-eating again

Munchlax: That may be true but that doesn't mean you should say it

Hinata pinata: So how's it going at Gaara's?

Leg power: Oh we were watching some movies!

Narutomaki: were?

Leg power: We only got to watch one movie

Leg power: The others are too scratched up and won't play :(

Leg power: Barbie movies are surprisingly entertaining btw!

Leg power: Anyway Kankuro is heading out to go rent a few movies for us

Narutomaki: Nice!!

Hinata pinata: What movies?

Leg power: Kankuro is surprising us! Although I'm sad that Temari said no horror movies :(

Leg powers: I like the thrill of the horror movies

Narutomaki: I don't they freak me out

Munchlax: I love horror movies! Shika, Ino,and I all watch them for Halloween and Christler

Leg power: Don't you mean Christmas?

Munchlax: No

Leg power: Oh--

Narutomaki: Holy shit

Narutomaki: Omfg

Mspaint tool Sai: There is a small child here. Why?

Narutomaki: FUCK YOU HES MY BROTHER

Mspaint tool Sai: Oh I am sorry

Narutomaki: Oh no I didn't mean it to be an ass I'm just saying he's my honorary little brother lmao

Narutomaki: I can't fucking believe he's wearing gramps' suit tho skdbskjdndndndndbxjsndkxh

Narutomaki: :') proud big brother here

Growing up Creepie: Narutooooooooooooooooo add the pervert old man already

Growing up Creepie: I'm bored and there's only so many times I can watch the bugs life bloopers

Hinata pinata: Shino why

Growing up Creepie:  **Because I have no life Hinata**

Big bird: I feel sexy tonight

Ninenine: Ignore them, they're high

Ninenine: On advil not weed! Advil makes them high for some reason…

Ninenine: They had a headache from the music so we're heading to waffle house early and then home

Big bird: A sexy headache at sexy waffle house at sexy home

Cheers, love!  **Old man** 's here!

Big bird: So sexy it'll make you throw up from the pain but then there's more room fro waffles

Munchlax: Kirby invented vore

Old man: what is vore?

Narutomaki: DAMMIT CHOJI

Munchlax: Well that was an accidental blessing of a coincidence

Growing up Creepie: If food was sentient do you think it would think we were voring them?

Muchlax: Vore is an adjective now! Wonderful! I hate it!

Old man: naruto what is vore?

Narutomaki: Guysssssss omfg

Old man: im looking this up on bing.

Narutomaki: OH GOD NO

Hinata pinata: V*re is a bad word and now Shino and Choji are going to gay baby jail

Growing up Creepie:  _ DiD yOu JuSt AsSuMe My SeXuAlItY aNd AgE!? _

Hinata pinata:  _ YeS _

Old man: naruto what the heck

Hinata pinata: I feel like he's holding back on us because were kids

Hinata pinata: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Narutomaki: Oh no he looked it up…

Munchlax: I feel strangely accomplished…

Old man: oh no it's a weird thing gross

Old man: im a gross man myself so that is saying something but you children shouldn't know this gross stuff

Hinata pinata: Sex is a normal thing sir

Hinata pinata: And unfortunately v*re has become a very cursed part of it in the cringy side of internet culture

Munchlax: Deviantart

Hinata pinata: ^^^

Old man: Stop it youre kids

YOUTH: Says the man who sold an adult rated novel to a 17 year old

Old man: he told me he was 20!

Old man: plus that was forever agao

White Lightning: Yeah that's my bad, don't blame him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-bunker

Old man: what is this place and why is it called the bunker?

Narutomaki: Pervy is the only adult allowed in here because I say so

Furry in a hurry: Noooooo

Narutomaki: Yessssssssss

Old man: okay

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: So like I asked Kankuro about Gengie and cookie dicks and now we're getting into the depths of cookie anatomy and how magic life differentiates from natural life?

Old man: what

Narutomaki: Oh yeah Pervy Sage is here btw. He's an adult.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Oh

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Well uh… Don't tell my parents

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: I haven't gone through sex ed yet and they havent given me the talk

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: They think I know nothing about sex but unfortunately I know Choji and Hinata who both learned it from sex ed and told me everything

Munchlax: Fuck yeah I corrupted you!

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: Fuck yeah you did!

Hinata pinata: Butts are for sitting, yes, but did you know you could also,

Hinata pinata: <<

Hinata pinata: >>

Hinata pinata:  _ Put pants on over them. _

Narutomaki: /le gasp/ THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE--

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: SO LEWD HOW DARE YOU

Hinata pinata: OH I DARE DAMN YOU

Old man: okay naruto how do I mute or whatever? I forgot how again

Old man: my publisher needs me to finish my book soon and my phone keeps talking and saying something about gay frogs?

Munchlax: Omfg you didn't naruto you fucking didn't

Old man: oh i found it!

Narutomaki:  _ OH YES I DID _

Hinata pinata: /dubstep plays/  ** _TURN THE FREAKING FROGS GAY_ **

Furry in a hurry: I like frogs

Hinata pinata: They turned you gay

Furry in a hurry: Huh… So thats how that happened…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#Shino's-mind-palace

Growing up Creepie: Knives are pointy

Gaara: Yes. Yes they are.

Leg power: Please don't stab me with a pointy knife this time. The plastic school one hurt but I can't imagine a real one--

Growing up Creepie: You can stab me

Gaara: Kinky

Growing up Creepie: ;)

Leg power: Gaara why???

Sandy and kinky: Its not Gaara anymore

Leg power: Okay so this is why Temari took away the bag of marshmallows…

Sandy and kinky: I have issues

Growing up Creepie: Pssst hey

Growing up Creepie: Pass me them marshies

Leg power: Temari locked them in her room :(

Growing up Creepie: Extra sad boy hours D8

Sandy and kinky: That is against the law sir

Leg power: I am afraid we have to arrest you now

Growing up Creepie: Do it cowards

Sandy and kinky: I have the hand cuffs

Growing up Creepie: ;)

Sandy and kinky: Stole them from Kankie's old magic set when he went through his magic phase

Leg power: GASP

Leg power:  _ I went through a magic phase _

Growing up Creepie: Nerd

Leg power: Says the middle school band geek X'D

Growing up Creepie: Bitch

Leg power: :V

Sandy and kinky: I played a trumpet once

Sandy and kinky: And that's how I found out I have seasonal asthma and allergies

Growing up Creepie: MOOD

Sandy and kinky: :Y

Leg power: So Shino, how are you spending your evening? Other than wallowing in loneliness

Leg power: Yes I knew you were already going to say that

Growing up Creepie: Dammit

Growing up Creepie: Eh dad left for his graveyard shift at the market so I'm just laying here

Growing up Creepie: Eating peanut butter straight from the jar

Growing up Creepie: Contemplating my very existence

Sandy and kinky: Sounds festive

Growing up Creepie: Oh it is

Leg power: Shino honey….

Growing up Creepie:  _ Oh~ I do love it when you call me honey _

Leg power: OH

Leg power: SHINO WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS >>;

Growing up Creepie: Ah yes, I forgot

Growing up Creepie: Not around Gaara. I understand.

Sandy and kinky: Don't worry I have enough love to go around

Sandy and kinky: And it is only for me. I am Around. Bye Lee.

Leg power: Well

Leg power: I guess you are my boyfriend now Shino

Growing up Creepie: Not to be lewd on main or anything but

Growing up Creepie: /karate chops a board with my forehead/

Leg power: _SWOON_ **sparkle sparkle**

Growing up Creepie: You make my heart go doki doki, and my head go poundy poundy

Leg power: The head thing could be a concussion! :D

Sandy and kinky: Head trauma, the most romantic of gestures

Puppetmaster: I have been here the whole time and boy do I not regret it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to a con here(Yamacon) from Friday to Sunday and my dumbass almost forgot so I'm getting some shit done before the days ends lmao. I'll be cosplay pastel(ish)!Izuku and regular Izuku for the first two days and my brother is going as Naruto(well he doesn't have the wig or shoes but he has the jacket and headband and he's wearing his glasses so let's call it Nerduto). I can't wait, its my first con in 4 years!
> 
> Also thank you for the comments and kudos and for reading! I get really nervous to reply to comments so to let you know I do read them and they make me smile!


	18. The weather is gonna be shitty for a week lmao

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto- Narutomaki
> 
> Sasuke- Sea urchin
> 
> Sakura- Bihexual
> 
> Rock Lee- Leg power
> 
> Neji- Big bird
> 
> Tenten- Ninenine
> 
> Gaara- Sandy and kinky
> 
> Kankuro- Puppetmaster
> 
> Temari- My fan is bigger than yours
> 
> Kiba- Furry in a hurry
> 
> Hinata- Hinata pinata
> 
> Shikamaru- IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff
> 
> Shino- Growing up Creepie
> 
> Choji- Munchlax
> 
> Ino- Flower child
> 
> Kakashi- White Lightning
> 
> Gai- YOUTH
> 
> Iruka- Uno
> 
> Sai- Mspaint tool Sai
> 
> Jiraiya- Old man

#kakashi-sucks

YOUTH: We need milk too

Leg power: For the 12th time today, this is discord, dad. Please seek help before it is too late.

IfImofflineImsleepingFuckOff: For the love of god please don't start listing off supplies one by one again you interrupted my mid math class nap…

YOUTH: I thought I was texting Kakashi, sorry again kids

White Lightning: He has a hangover

YOUTH: Kakashi!

White Lightning: What? It's the truth.

White Lightning: I'm also a little hungover.

Leg power: Ooooooh so THIS is why Temari and Gaara kidnapped me last night….

YOUTH: Excuse me what

Sandy and kinky: I happened to be spying on you guys through the window because I forgot my ds earlier and didn't know if I should knock on the door that late or not, I am very sorry I love your son please don't make me break up with him

YOUTH: You are safe

White Lightning: For now

YOUTH: Ignore him

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#The-Bunker

Ninenine: I wanna get wrecked

Ninenine: Like I'm feelin so fuckin drained from studying and I wanna ride a roller coaster and get absolutely  _ wrecked _

Narutomaki: You first made it sound like you wanted to get high

Ninenine: Oh yeah that too

Growing up Creepie: Dad used to vet high

Growing up Creepie: More specifically with @Munchlax dad lmao

Munchlax: Huh?

Munchlax: Oh yeah yeah!

Munchlax: Haha we saw a pic of them in their colleg days and they both looked like shit lmfao

Growing up Creepie: Dad had a soul patch and I swear it I wanted to kms

Narutomaki: Please don't we love you, soul patches are a sun but its okay death isn't the answer

Growing up Creepie: Fuck you don't tell me what to do!

Munchlax: Shino please--

Growing up Creepie: Hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Growing up Creepie: Fine

Growing up Creepie: I'll let natural death take its course. However I hope a train will hit me so I'll at least be on the news…

Narutomaki: Well uh,,, that's the spirit?????? I guess??????????

Hinata pinata: Shino where are you? Are you not coming in today?

Growing up Creepie: I'm heading up with dad and Mr. Umino to the city to get Sasuke. I'm just not feeling the best to go to school and dad wants to keep an eye on me.

Hinata pinata: Oh

Narutomaki: Lucky! Well not the feeling bad part, but the going to the city part. Iruka wouldn't let me go because of the small one sided fight Sasuke and I had…

Narutomaki: But I hope you feel better bro óuò

Ninenine: Aw what??? :( but that's just teen angst and Sasuke was asserting his dominance!

Narutomaki: Wait why are you going? And your dad?

Growing up Creepie: Apparently a van is needed and my father owns a van  <strike> you know, because he's a soccer mom at heart </strike>

Growing up Creepie: He's a pimp now and the van is his slut

Narutomaki: Shino why do you make things weird…..?

Growing up Creepie: Naruto

Growing up Creepie:  _ Have you met me????????????? _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Direct message @Hinata pinata

Growing up Creepie: My doctor says he doesn't want me on the transitioning medicine because of how much meds I'm already on

Hinata pinata: Aw no! I'm sorry!

Growing up Creepie: Don't apologize for what's not your fault. I'm just feeling kinda…. Dysphonic now……? Idk

Growing up Creepie: Especially with  _ you know what _ starting this morning 8/

Hinata pinta: I really wish I could help Shino…

Growing up Creepie: Its fine Hinata. Its my fault anyway.

Hinata pinata: How??

Growing up Creepie: Because I'm already taking medicine for depression and anxiety and for sleeping better and among another couple things

Growing up Creepie: Its my fault for these issues

Hinata pinata: Nah

Hinata pinata: I blame McDonalds

Growing up Creepie: Pff what??

Hinata pinata: Yeah that's right, I blamed McDonalds

Hinata pinata: What are they gonna do??? Make me obese???

Growing up Creepie: Well

Growing up Creepie: That is their goal for the most part

Hinata pinata: Their goal?

Growing up Creepie: Remember Wall-E? Yeah, that's basically what's gonna happen to us if McDonalds continues its plan of world domination

Growing up Creepie: Those who become obese due to their very delicious yet very deadly and greasy meat and don't die immediately from heart disease will be enslaved

Hinata pinata:  **S h i n o**

Growing up Creepie:  _ Its true Hinata, I read it on tumblr AND reddit _

Hinata pinata: Omfg no

Growing up Creepie: Yes

Hinata pinata:  **S H I N O**

Growing up Creepie:  **H I N A T A**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things:
> 
> 1) Going on a hiatus to focus on writing and planning a new story that I've been thinking about for a couple months now! Its a Naruto and My hero academia crossover— mostly focusing on the Naruto cast and a select few of the pros and students; but not effecting Izuku's story except for changing a few major events. I'm working on the first story for the series now which focuses on the Sannin! I'm having a lot of fun planning this so I'm super excited!
> 
> 2) The con was fun but I got sick half way through :( my brother shared his cold. I was unable to get Tatum's autograph but I did get St. Peter's(as Xemnas, my brother got his as Kurama).
> 
> 3) Thank you all so much for reading this!!!!! I really do appreciate it! Comments are fun to read! ^^ I'm sorry this so short btw, I've just been so sick to write and since I'm getting better I've been focusing on the new story óuò;

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like it so far! Here's a bit of info that really wont ever be mentioned/don't plan to mention;
> 
> 1st years: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kiba, Hinata, Ino, Choji, Shino, Gaara (all are 15, but Gaara is oldest)
> 
> 2nd years: Neji, Lee, Tenten, Kankuro (all are 16)
> 
> 3rd years: Temari, Shikamaru (Temari is 17, Shikamaru is 15; he skipped a couple years)


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